Last week's Sex and Relationship article, 'Being the other woman', explored the topic of women knowingly establishing relationships with men who are already involved in stable relationships.

The women on the side are generally given rules and regulations by which to abide so as to not interfere with the relationship between the man and his other woman/wife.

While the actions of these women are scoffed at by many, they do, however, have their reasons for forming these relationships:

1. They do not want a serious commitment.

2. They have been hurt in the past so they form these relationships to protect themselves emotionally.

3. They are just in it for material gains.

4. They can't find a 'good man' so they are willing to share one who has the qualities that they are looking for.

However, counsellor at Family Life Ministries, Angela Daniels, says based on the above reasons, these women are possibly experiencing the negative effects of a relationship gone bad. She explains that they might also be going through emotional pain and, in some cases, are still grieving the loss of a relationship.

Additionally, she notes that they could be having unresolved issues as a result of their failed relationships, experiencing low self-confidence, and they could also have been influenced by poor socialisation.

With that said, she highlights that forming these relationships is emotionally unhealthy for women. While trying to protect themselves from hurt, they are potentially setting themselves up for it. "The women could be subjecting themselves to further emotional pain by permitting themselves to be involved in a relationship which, in most cases, remind them, at different points, of undesirable and painful experiencesof their past. Even though they may initially agree to the terms and conditions of this relationship, invariably they have additional expectations which, in most cases, cannot be met, or cannot be met fully because the man's allegiance is with his main partner or wife. This can result in the women experiencing an emotional roller coaster."

Daniels also notes that in these cases the women on the side aren't the only ones affected, as these relationships can put a strain on the union between the man and his main partner. "The man can become emotionally torn between his main partner or wife and this other woman; it is highly unlikely that the other woman would take precedence over the wife. The external relationship can and may place a strain on the marriage or stable relationship and, in most cases, men do not manage stress very well. The result of this could be anger issues and abuse among others."

Daniels says the cases she has come across are formed due to "low self-esteem and self-confidence, a poor sense of identity, verbal and/or sexual abuse, dysfunctional parenting styles and absence of one or both biological parents, whether physically or emotionally".

latoya.grindley@gleanerjm.com