When one hears of a cougar, also known as puma, mountain lion or panther, it brings to mind a large cat who stalks and ambushes its prey in the same fashion as the leopard, tiger or lion. The cougar, as a predator, seeks out harmless prey such as deer, sheep, domestic cattle, horses, insects and rodents.

How is a cougar likened to an older woman? In pop-culture circles, women over 40 who date younger men are called cougars. In what has become a cougar movement, a cougar woman is a sexy older woman who seduces younger men breaching several social and cultural mores. It was Samantha in Sex and the City who gave hope for broad acceptance of cougars. A cougar may be the butt of jokes and unkind comments in bars, but in reality she is a figure to admire, in stark contrast to some less female-friendly drones and older plain Janes. (Joanna Weiss, Boston Globe).

Cleavage exposed

According to the Urban Dictionary, a cougar is "a 35 plus female who is on the 'hunt' for a much younger, energetic, and willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in padded bra, cleavage exposed … found in the usual hunting grounds of nightclubs, bars and beaches; woman in her sexual prime, sexually cunning, who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted; cougar's victims are usually under 25, as they prefer men who still have hair. Cougars are non-committal, choosing to move from mate to mate without settling down and may even sleep with different men in the same group of friends".

The term cougar was coined by Linda Franklin, a 60-year-old life coach who developed a website where cougars network, celebrate their sexiness and shed what Franklin calls the "skeevy kind of image". Society often reminds women over 40 that that they should start preparing for retirement from work and sex and anticipate the arrival of grandchildren. Many older women allow themselves to be sexless, shapeless, osteoporotic and separate themselves from romance and sexual pleasure.

Sexy and independent

However, cougars are in a different place. They may be mothers, divorced, advanced in career, sexy, confident, independent and dating men a decade younger compared to accomplished jaded men close to their age. (Weiss) Cougars set up a sexual relationship with a younger man who make them feel sexually fulfilled. These older women who date younger men know what they want, and they ensure that they get it. They do not want to marry or live together and they do not want to have children. They simply want to enjoy life. Weiss adds that self-defined cougars take their ageing seriously and they consider themselves a distinctive group of sophisticated women.

History shows that cougar-type women have existed for centuries. Weiss makes reference to Catherine the Great who dabbled with younger men because she could. Demi Moore, with the help of Vanity Fair, brought sexiness to her pregnancy for a man 15 years her junior.

'Ms Hottie Hottie'

The libido of a woman in mid-life is alive and the older woman knows that she can use it to place a hold on a virile young man. Some older women style themselves as 'hottie, hottie' in a peri-menopausal body, which is definitely not the flat chest, skinny, barely dressed 25-year-olds with obvious tresses of artificial hair. Cougars spend time with personal trainers to keep their bodies toned and to prevent their breasts from 'heading south'. Older women spend money on their appearance which naturally helps them to ooze sexual confidence. As such, they will aggressively pursue younger men in clubs, through websites and advertisements.

A study reported on the dating site Plentyoffish.com indicates that more women aged 30 and over are looking to date guys five and 10 years their junior for a more exciting relationship. Women are fed up with men their age who lack stamina and skills to provide sexual satisfaction. According to Rosie, 52, younger men keep themselves in better shape and they have no pot belly or shaking dentures. Though they may not be so experienced, they are always willing to learn from your sexual expertise.

Negative experiences

Older women who date younger men may not all have a positive experience. Several young men see an older independent woman as a 'meal ticket' once they provide sexual services. Younger men who date older women may be 'gold-diggers', always seeking 'loans' which are never repaid or asking for favours to purchase cars and other items of conspicuous consumption. Many older women are careful about dating anyone too young to avoid feeling "I am sleeping with my son". However, persons who abhor cougars describe them as old enough to be the mother of the young men with whom they sleep. The secret is to target younger men who are less than half the age of the woman. The rule: half your age plus seven.

Bates and Johnson, writing in the Daily Mail, cite Karin, over 40 with a powerful career and who sits on the boards of several charities, who has four children from three failed marriages, two to older men, and is happy to be called a cougar. In her bid to meet younger men, she posted a website called gocougar.com and she is satisfied with her new strategy.

Lousy lovers

Some older women, after a few sexual encounters, complain that their young lover is unable to pick up the signals she is sending as to what she wants and does not pay attention so he can learn. A common complaint is that younger men are not into oral sex and the ones who will gladly do it are not good at it.

As societal attitudes change, Hollywood couples influence more couples with older women and younger men. As women become economically independent, they can choose the man they want rather than choosing a man to support them and give them social status (Woo, CNN.com). For these relationships to work, the younger man is more secure when his older woman is comfortable with her sexuality. The issues that affect other types of union are the same ones that affect the relationship between an older woman and a younger man.

Mature and sensitive

For many successful couples with a vast age difference, age becomes just a number when you can move beyond insecurities and emotional temperament. Kimberly, 34, finds her 25-year-old beau an amazing young man so she decided to let his actions speak more than his statistics. He turned out to be the most mature and sensitive man she ever dated and he found the attraction mutual. (CNN.com)

Younger men in relationships with older women usually have a preference for dating older women who make them feel comfortable. These women come to the relationship more secure, not looking for a man to take care of them. This, in turn, offers the young man more security, especially if he is from a family where there was no demonstration of love. An older man who is seeking a relationship with a younger girl will focus on a young, sexy body while the younger man in a relationship with an older woman will focus more on inner beauty over a knockout appearance. The younger man knows the inside beauty will not fade with age.

Respect

An energetic, loving, smart and adventurous older woman can benefit from dating a younger man. He treats her with respect. The exposure to the older woman elevates his attitude and he will try to please her. Unfortunately, some older men are not willing to be led to find bliss in the union. Older women are looking better every day, experience longer lifespan and they bring exciting new dimensions to relationships.

Relationships that bring joy and happiness to any couple should be cherished and encouraged without age being a defining factor. After all, it is enjoying life together that draws people closer.

Not her real name