Q Doctor, my marriage is in deep trouble. My husband has suggested that forming a threesome is the only way to save it. What do you think?

We have been married for nearly 20 years and are now in our late 30s. Both of us are successful in our chosen fields of work, which are business and university life, and people say that we are a really attractive couple.

Unfortunately, this year, all has NOT been well beneath the surface. In private, we have a lot of arguments. I think that my husband is jealous of my recent promotion at work. And there have been difficulties with his mother, who has never liked me.

She has been living with us since Christmas.

As far as our sex life is concerned, this was pretty good till recently. We are both highly sexed people and we have always made love about three times for the week.

Incidentally, as far as I know, my husband has always been faithful to me. I had an affair around 10 years ago, but he does not know about this. So I would say that till this year, we were 'sexually happy'.

But in the last six months, I have had the feeling that he is NOT entirely satisfied with me in bed. There have been times when he has not been keen to have intercourse with me, and this has led to angry words between us.

On other occasions, he has rolled over immediately after climaxing, and gone straight to sleep, leaving me dissatisfied. Some nights, I have been reducing to masturbating after he has dozed off. I have been pretty furious about this and have told him that he owes me more respect.

Last month, there was a spell of three weeks during which we did not make love at all, because we both made excuses to avoid it. During that time, we both got frustrated and we just kept snapping at each other.

Well, last week he sat down across the table from me and said, 'I have a proposal to put to you.'

I asked him what he meant, and he replied: 'We have to do something to save our marriage.'

It turned out that he meant that our sex life was 'dying on its feet'. He suggested that the solution was for us to form a threesome with a lady who is actually my best friend!

I know he likes her a lot, and I must admit that she is very sexually attractive. In fact, after my husband and I had discussed this for a couple of hours, I began to feel quite excited at the thought of having her in bed with us.

I have not mentioned the idea to her. But yesterday my husband astonished me by revealing that he had 'dropped her a hint' about the possibility of a threesome. He claimed that she is showing considerable interest.

So what do you think, Doc? In your experience, can a threesome sometimes save a rocky marriage?

A I have changed one or two of your details so that you will not be recognised. It is clear that your marriage is in BIG trouble. What leaps out at me is the fact that the sexual and other difficulties seem to have started since your hostile mother-in-law came to live with you last Christmas.

It is often the case that the addition of a mother-in-law or a father-in-law to a household causes trouble between husband and wife! And very frequently, there can be disruption of their sex life.

That is particularly common when the in-law is sleeping in the bedroom next to the married couple.

Now, let us turn to your husband's 'brilliant' suggestion that you should try three-in-a-bed sex. Presumably he would plan to do this when his mother is out of the house?

I am always amazed at the number of guys who claim that some form of adultery, such as a threesome, could somehow 'save the marriage'. How could it? The entire idea makes no sense!

In my medical experience, threesomes never 'save' a marriage. They are more likely to cause:

Jealousy;

Bitterness;

Envy;

Violence;

Unwanted pregnancy;

Sexually transmitted disease;

Somebody falling in love with the 'wrong' person.

I must also tell you that in my view there is every chance that your husband has had his eye on this other lady for some time.

I remember one case in which it turned out that the husband and the 'other woman' had actually been having an affair for months!

Anyway, I am sure that this three-in-bed romp sounds wonderful to your husband. Many males are turned on by the idea of having fun with two beautiful, naked women.

But would all this exotic sex 'save the marriage'? Not a chance.

So my advice to you is this: Because your marriage is clearly crumbling, you and your husband should see a marital counsellor as soon as possible. You should both have sessions for at least three months.

Whatever you do, don't agree to three-way sex.

Q My wife is using a vaginal cream. Is it true, as I have heard, that this stuff could be absorbed by me while having sex with her?

If so, what effect would it have on me?

A If the vaginal cream contains female hormones, that is a possibility.

Creams and other vaginal products which contain female hormones are often prescribed for ladies in their late 30s, 40s or 50s. The idea of this is to keep the vagina moist and healthy.

However, there have been a few cases in which the male partner has absorbed the female hormones through his penis. In these instances, the usual result has been that the guy has developed slight breast enlargement.

In order to prevent this happening, you should encourage your wife NOT to insert the hormone cream during the few hours before she has sex with you.

If you are still worried, wear a condom.

Q I keep waking up at 3 a.m., and am completely unable to sleep after that. Why?

A That is usually a symptom of depression. See a doc and talk it over.

Q I am female, aged 39. Last week, I performed oral sex on a guy for the first time in my life.

Without meaning to, I swallowed. Has this done me any harm, Doctor?

A There is no special health risk from what you describe as 'swallowing'.

However, oral sex, like any other form of sexual contact, does carry a risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection.

Q I am 45. My first wife died five years ago. Now I have met a new lady, but am having trouble getting an erection.

Why, Doc?

A This commonly happens to widowers when they try to establish a new relationship. It is usually just due to 'nerves', but please have a doc check you over. I am sure you will be OK.