Raped by your friend
Published: Sunday | March 8, 2009
Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor
Fact: Over 80 per cent of rape victims know their attackers. As children you were warned not to talk to strangers.
Fact: The fact is you are more likely to be assaulted by someone you know: a friend, date, ex-boyfriend, classmate, neighbour, relative or employer.
Fact: Acquaintance rape and date rape are more common than left-handedness or heart attacks or alcoholism. (Warshaw, 1988).
Fact: Rape is sex against a person's will, using physical force, emotional bargaining, blackmail or mind games to force sexual intercourse, fondling, kissing or any other sexual contact forced on you by a stranger or someone you know.
Fact: Rape is punishable by law so do not feel intimidated to report it. even if it's your boss, teacher, best friend or pastor. Whether the perpetrator is a banker, teacher, coach, pastor, athlete, football player or the guy next door, he is a rapist and ought to be charged with a criminal offence.
Date rape
One of the most common types of acquaintance rapes is date rape. Females between the ages of 16 and 24 run the greatest risk of being raped by a date. The use of alcohol or drugs also increases the risk. Date rapes often occur because of a misunderstanding of communication styles and behaviour of males and females. Males want to score on a date become sexually aggressive and believe that a female's soft 'no' means 'yes'. They will try gentle persuasion and eventually exert force. The "no" by females is often too soft or indirectly because they do not want to hurt feelings of their date or jeopardise the prospect of a relationship. In real life, the persons closest to you can easily take advantage
Acquaintance rape can happen to anyone and in the same way the crime may be committed by anyone. It is common on campuses where teachers and sports coaches sexually assault students. Some young men in college, free from parental control, adopt a lifestyle of freedom, failing to act responsibly by using drugs and alcohol, which lead to irresponsible sexual acts including rape of their colleagues.
Men's responsibility
Men can prevent themselves from being arrested for acquaintance rape.
They should understand that forced sex is NEVER acceptable and is against the law. Men should accept 'no' as 'no' and not read other meanings into that word.
Drug/rape connection
The most common date rape drug is alcohol. If someone is encouraging you to drink a lot, he or she may be trying to get you drunk enough to have sex. It is important to remember not to accept a drink from anyone you would not "put your life into their hands". Remember, any stranger or casual acquaintance could be suspect, including people who are mixing or pouring drinks. Drinks should not be left unattended as this can give someone a chance to put date rape drugs in your soda, beer or another drink without your knowing.
Date rape drugs include Rohypnol, GHB and Ketamine, which are easy to dissolve in drinks and cause rape targets to lose all ability to make decisions and to remember what happened. Date rape drugs are deadly and alcohol greatly increases the effects of these drugs. The intent of date rape drug-users is to get the victim isolated to make the assault. Should you feel sick or dizzy while out socially, go to someone you know and trust or call someone by phone. You should never leave alone.
Raping of girls and women in Jamaica is increasing. As such, there is an acceptance of a culture of rape as a natural activity in some societies where men see sex as their right, refusing to take girls' and women's 'no' for an answer in their pursuit of sex. Men often misinterpret women's verbal and non-verbal communication and give reasons for raping as women acting coy or playing hard to get saying 'no' when they really means 'yes' and they really want to 'get laid'.
Symptoms
Rape is committed when a person says 'no' and is coerced into having sexual intercourse or some type of penetration in the vagina or anus. In acquaintance rape, despite the victims' experience of rape trauma symptoms - from violation of the body to the betrayal of a trusted person - many persons dismiss sexual assault by an acquaintance as rape. Other rape trauma symptoms include anger, fear of sex, mood swings, difficulty sleeping, eating pattern disturbances, nightmares and self-blame.
Rape by an acquaintance is said to be more traumatising than rape by a stranger. This hinges on the violation of trust and limited social support by some persons who believe that the victims get what they deserve. Without appropriate psychological help and proper support systems, victims of acquaintance rape may attempt suicide, become depressed and/or angry, turn to substance abuse and may develop eating disorders.
Victims of sexual violence experience many different feelings, such as confusion, denial, shock, fear, self-blame, embarrassment and helplessness. Victims of date or acquaintance rape often have:
All these feelings and reactions are normal. Rape victims are not alone and they should not hide their feelings or pretend they are not there. Working through these negative feelings is the first step toward coping with the crisis. Acquaintance rape is an issue for both men and women. Though difficult, rape survivors must speak out against rape. Men can help minimise acquaintance rape by educating themselves and their colleagues. Lovers, friends, classmates, neighbours and co-workers can all be perpetrators or victims of acquaintance rape.