
Petrina Francis, Staff ReporterRevelations by men of physical abuse by their wives or girlfriends are big ego deflators. Add paroxysms of laughter by close friends to the mix and the entire macho man image is busted.
Believe it or not, domestic violence against men exists right here in Jamaica but, in most cases, go unreported because the victims are afraid to talk. Why? Fear. Ridicule. Shame. Instead of getting help, they take it on the chin.
While women are more likely to be injured, assaulted, raped or killed by partners, some men are also abused by their spouses.
Men are physically stronger than women so they usually wait until the men are asleep before they act. They douse them with hot water or other substances or use the knife and other weapons to attack them.
Lanny Davidson, founder of Father Crisis Centre and Father In Action, says while domestic violence against men is not as prevalent as aggression against women, men are dying inside. Some turn to the rum bars to ease their troubles.
Mentally battered
When they are not physically abused, they are mentally battered. The advocate says many men are constantly bombarded by criticism - facing barbs about their worthlessness - which further ruins their self-esteem.
Davidson relates two cases.
According to him, a husband who was being abused by his alcoholic wife called the police to rescue him. When the police arrived, he was instead arrested. The woman pretended to be the victim. The plot worked.
In another instance, a security guard who was accused of cheating ended up in hospital for several weeks, after his girlfriend waited until he was sleeping and doused him with hot water. The perpetrator was never arrested.
Embarrassed
Bishop Everton Thomas of the Jamaica Pentecostal Union agrees with Davidson that men who are abused by their spouses refuse to talk openly about the violence because of embarrassment.
He urges abused men to place the issue in the public sphere and encourage greater discussion on domestic violence against men. This, he said, would perhaps reduce the stigma of this type of abuse.
"We need more national dialogue to destigmatise this because men are embarrassed and they are seen as 'wishy-washy' if they report that they are abused," says Thomas.Davidson says he is not aware of any formal organisation from which battered men could get help. However, he says they could get counselling from clerics, church counsellors or psychologists. This, however, rarely happens because men go mum on the issue, fearing the label of community wuss.
petrina.francis@gleanerjm.com
Characteristics of abusive women
The characteristics of men or women who are abusive fall into three categories.
Alcohol abuse: Alcohol abuse is a major cause and trigger in domestic violence. People who are intoxicated have less impulse control, are easily frustrated, have greater misunderstandings and are generally prone to resort to violence as a solution to problems.
Psychological disorders. There are certain psychological problems, primarily personality disorders, in which women are characteristically abusive and violent toward men. Borderline personality disorder is a diagnosis that is found almost exclusively in women. Approximately one or two per cent of all women have borderline personality disorder. The disorder is also associated with suicidal behaviour, severe mood swings, lying, sexual problems and alcohol abuse.Unrealistic expectations, assumptions and conclusions: Women who are abusive toward men usually have unrealistic expectations and make unrealistic demands of men. These women will typically experience repeated episodes of depression, anxiety, frustration and irritability which they attribute to a man's behaviour. In fact, their mental and emotional state is the result of their own insecurities, emotional problems, trauma during childhood or even withdrawal from alcohol.They refuse to enter treatment and may even insist the man needs treatment. Instead of helping themselves, they blame a man for how they feel and believe that a man should do something to make them feel better. When men can't make them feel better, these women become frustrated and assume that men are doing this deliberately.
Source: http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm