Angela Philipps, Contributor

'Women come and go, but your male friends will always be there,' one might say. However, does this mean that guys must always make the women they are dating take second place? And, in fact, why is it that they tend to cancel arrangements with the women way before doing so with the fellows?

Are men worried about what their posse will think of them if they decide to go on a picnic with a girl rather than play a round of golf, or guzzle beers while watching Sunday sports with the boys? Or is it that they genuinely need lots of male-bonding time? It's got nothing to do with how much they like us gals, so stop all this unnecessary worry!

Understanding romance

The thing is this: if you are going out with someone then one would hope that you enjoy and want to spend time with him or her. Unless your friends have NEVER had any form of romance, then they ought to understand this.

Maybe the people in your social circle should accept that you have found someone, special with whom you like spending time. Finding the love of your life and choosing to do most things with him or her should not be chastised or made fun of, but celebrated. Especially by your friends!

Another thing to consider is whether these said friends would stick around when the chips are really down, or would it be the lady love who turns out to be the one to help you through the situation in question?

When you're down

It's all well and good to be the life and soul of the party, but when you're in the gutter, who is it exactly who pulls you out of it? I am not implying that a few friends wouldn't be there for you, but the truth is … many won't. However, I know of a lot of women who go out of their way to run to the rescue of the guy they're seeing. And as soon as he's found his feet again … off he trots to the bar with everyone but you!

I bring these points together from an email I was sent some weeks ago by a female reader of my column. She was distressed that her man was 'using' her emotionally, and she reiterated that her friends were going through the same troubles.

I am ashamed to say that this also happened to me several times with one particular interest of mine a while back. I could never learn my lesson. Each time he was in an unfortunate situation I'd be right behind him to break his fall.

Picking up the pieces

As soon as things were straightened out, all I'd see were his footprints on the tiles of the house! This went on for five years. His friends were not losers, in general, but I was the one to pick up the pieces, give him a shoulder to cry on, and be the person who listened to his woes time and time again.

I did not require recognition for my kindness - the most selfless acts are those which are given without expectation - but when I needed him most, his friends always came first. More fool me for sticking around for as long as I did. But you know what the really sad part for him was? By the time he realised that he'd made a huge mistake and that I was the most precious thing, I was fed up and had moved on like any sane and sensible person should have done from the outset!

Strange how guys don't know what they're missing until it's gone. It seems that as soon as we are out of reach, that's when they decide to put us first and not their friends!

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com