THEY ALL recalled collective enthusiasm, joy and great expectation when they first realised that they were going to be parents. This bliss and excitement materialised for most. Not so for many others.

"Some of the fun don't look so fun anymore," said Kenny Myers, the father of a three-year-old son, summing up his feelings about the experience. The responsibility that comes with parenting is often understated, he said, as there is a lot of work to be done. Nevertheless, he is honoured to be a parent.

Myers was one of several parents who attended a recent parenting seminar hosted by Dr Melrose Rattray at the Knutsford Court Hotel in St Andrew. They all seemed to share similar sentiments. Being a parent is hard work.

More positive words

Rattray, the director of Help for Parents Jamaica and Help for Parents and Families in New York, conducted several seminars during her visit here. She noted that parents are today creating their children's past and, therefore, they should be careful of how they carry out that role. "If everything you say is dissing your child's courage, the child will end up in rage," she warned. With this in mind, she said parents should encourage the child with positive words and direct where the child goes wrong.

Additionally, she encouraged them to give the young ones responsibi-lities from an early age, so that when they get older they will maintain that care and love for duty. "Do not do for your children, at an appropriate age, what they can do for themselves," she said repeatedly.

Rattray also warned her audience to be careful of what they do in front of the children, as this can impact their behaviour. She said children learn emotional intelligence from the parents, as they observe how the adults respond to different situations. "How we manage our own emotions are very telling and the children watch us. They are paying attention and whatever we are doing they are going to be doing," she declared.

"Sometimes with our children we don't have the balance, we are inconsistent," she further argued, "Today, we are sweet and tomorrow we are sour." When this happens, she said, the children do not know what to think or expect from the parents, and this can be a negative.

Filling the need

A Jamaican by birth, Rattray told The Gleaner that she left the island about 12 years ago to live in New York. The trained social worker said she lectured at the University of the West Indies (UWI) for 14 years in the Department of Sociology, Psychology and Social Work. It was while she was a lecturer at UWI that she set up her own private practice called Help For Parents in 1990 to do workshops and seminars.

She said she saw a great need for parenting in Jamaica when she started the programme, as some parents lacked the requisite skills to bring up the young ones. She added that the problem was still evident in society, and she was helping to bridge the gap.

"Parenting is a skill, and if we are going to move people from children to adulthood, we need to have some knowledge and some information," said Rattray.

She explained that in the same way people go to school to learn other disciplines, it is necessary to gather information on parenting, and her main concern is that no one is taught to be parents.

kimesha.walters@gleanerjm.com