For centuries, Salt Fish and Ackee have been married, enjoying the status of National Dish, which we Jamaicans hold dear to our bosoms and guts. Now, at a time when the land is filled with so much vile and strife, Salt Fish and Ackee, for those who can afford them, are a relief of sorts from the harsh realities of our time.

Yet, recently, Jack and Jill got up in that most venerable of houses to question Salt Fish's viability at a time of great recession. Salt Fish, they claimed, was too much of an expensive import and, as such, it should be banished from the land. In the frigid waters of the north it should remain. I, Oxy Moron, will have none of it!

What a travesty to the memory of our slave ancestors who spend their evenings enjoying this 'salt thing' after a long day of working in the broiling sun, and to our culinary heritage. Instead, in the Charter of Rights now before the said House, the right of Salt Fish to titillate the palates of Jamaicans must be enshrined. That Salt Fish has a beloved place in our hearts, souls and bellies is undisputed, and it should be protected from those who are bent on making the law a fool.

Yes, there might be other fleshy substitutes, but nothing under the face of the Jamaican sun complements Ackee better than Salt Fish, though they give each other bun from time to time. Salt Fish might have a fling or two with Callaloo, Pak Choi and Cabbage; Ackee flirts regularly with Yam, Dumpling and Rice, but soon they are back together. And when Ackee is not so plentiful, Salt Fish would wait until she flourishes. Now, when Jack and Jill succeed in extricating Salt Fish from our mouths, what will poor Ackee do? It has absolutely nothing to do with Salt Mackerel, it being too ugly and 'raw'.

Now, close your eyes, Mr President of the Senate, and let your sensory perception take you to a little shed in a rural yard. On a table is a nice enamel plate of yellow-heart breadfruit, just roasted over logwood fire. Among it is a massive serving of black-peppered Ackee and Salt Fish with tomato, onion, scallion, awash with homemade coconut oil. What a foretaste of glory divine!

absurdity

Then, open your eyes, Mr President, and declare Jack and Jill persona non grata for bringing the House into absurdity. Banish them to the breeding grounds of Salt Fish, where they may sit on huge icebergs and watch as the cods procreate, grow, are caught, are prepared and shipped to the island in the sun. For, it is written that man shall not live by Ackee alone, prostate cancer or not. Salt Fish to the world! Oxy Moron seh soh!

And should Jack and Jill be seen buying or eating Salt Fish, please drop Oxy Moron a line.

oxydmoron@gmail.com