Q I am a young man in a relationship that is going sour. I must admit that I did some bad things that contributed to the deterioration of the relationship. I am with this young lady for seven years and finding it hard to decide if she is the one.

When we first started dating, I gave her all my trust and support. I found out she went on dates with different guys and there was this particular guy that brought her to my house.

After a few months, I started hearing rumours that they were both seeing each other. However, I trusted her and did not believe. But, one night I heard her on the phone with that particular guy. I overheard their conversation and she ended the telephone conversation by saying "Babes, keep your phone where mi can reach you," and he replied by saying "all right, babes". I told her I was leaving and she cried and begged me not to.

The next day we made up and while having sex, I discovered that she was very 'loose'. I continued having sex anyway. She realised I was concerned about what I was 'not feeling' and gave the reason that she was "stressed".

My question is, can stress cause a woman's vaginal muscle to become loose?

Lately, she has being ignoring me and resenting me. She told me she was not happy and suggested we should separate. I said "no".

We have a four- and two-year-old and that is why it is hard to make a decision. Please pray for me, as I await your response.

A. It seems that you know the answer to the question as to whether she is cheating on you.

Why would she apologise to you for a conversation she was having with a male? At the very least, it appears she has an emotional attachment to this particular guy. The terms of endearment used by them could be a telltale sign she has another interest. She is ignoring you and you believe that she resents you. Obviously, the passion has gone from the relationship.

I suspect you want to determine if she is sexually active with this guy, hence your query about her loose vagina. However, a loose vagina is not a sign that she is cheating and having sexual intercourse with that particular guy or multiple partners. The argument that the looseness was due to stress is also not credible. The more probable likelihood for the loose vagina is childbirth. In addition, some women are tighter than others. Fortunately, there are simple exercises she can engage in to tighten up.

It is also clear that there are many unresolved issues that need the intervention of a counsellor. Unfortunately, you did not state the bad things you did that caused the relationship to deteriorate. Did you cheat on her? Have you physically abused her?

Apparently, you have an open relationship where she could date other guys and a guy who you claim is interested in her took her to your home? Would she be that brazen to ask her lover to take her to your home? If she is that brazen, it could be a sign that she is disrespecting the relationship. However, every time you suggest separating she says no. Is this due to the children's financial security, or is she hoping that the relationship will improve?

You are concerned about the children's welfare and so you should. You need to ascertain how a separation is likely to affect the children. These are some of the questions you should work through with your counsellor. But quit worrying that the loose vagina is a sign that she is cheating.

My prayers are with you as you try to resolve these issues.

Have a question for the counsellor? Email: editor@gleanerjm.com