Colourful floats participating in the Hussay Festival at Kemps Hill, Clarendon, recently. - File

So Miss Elizabeth Reitwood, a self-proclaimed, moody maker of table mats in the small farming community of Kemps Hill in Clarendon, is one peeved woman.

"And afta all ah dat, nothing nuh come outa it," she said when I turned up at her wooden home in the community recently.

Miss Retty, as she likes to be called, spent an hour relating to me events that had recently transpired in the community. She seemed worn out by the happenings, and was eager to get it off her chest.

You see, according to Miss Retty, a tall, muscular American fellow had moved into the community earlier in the year and the series of events that followed was enough to make a dramatic tele-vision mini-series.

In February, a chap by the name of Winston Willis, a former real estate developer in Brooklyn, New York, decided to throw in the towel at work and spend his retirement in Kemps Hill, where his parents were from. Winston had never lived in Jamaica, but was intrigued by all the stories he had heard while in the US.

"And him hear all sorta something about Jamaican woman and how dem haughty and nice and is dat mek him run come down here like ah him name Usain Bolt," said Miss Retty. She is a tall woman with short hair and muscular arms. She walked with a slight limp and sported an unsightly scar above her upper lip.

"So him wife died while in 'merica, so him move come out here and ready fi find woman. Heh, hey! Is hell and powder house when him come out here and di young girl dem see him. Every woman tun idiot round him," said Miss Retty.

Talk of the town

As she told it, Winston became the talk of the town soon after arriving in Kemps Hill and many of the older women from the community started competing for his attention. Winston, by the way, was already well into his 70s when he moved to Jamaica.

"And even though him so old, di whole ah di woman dem still ah look him because him come from 'merica," said Miss Retty, shaking her head.

"Every weekend dem tell him seh him fi go wid one ah dem fi go watch bird and so on. Every Saturday is another woman," she said.

Winston was enjoying all the attention for a while, but one day, he caught the attention of the community madda woman, an enigmatic recluse, who goes by the shady moniker Lady Devil. Now it came as a surprise to the people of Kemps Hill that Lady Devil had taken a fancy to Winston, especially because she had shown interest in no other man for the past 20 years.

"Eveybody frighten when she send out word seh every other woman fi leave him alone," said Miss Retty.

And Lady Devil was serious. She sent her apprentice Lisa all across the district warning all the unmarried females to stay away from the eligible bachelor or risk facing the wrath of the woman who has been known to render incurable illnesses upon her enemies.

"From dat, every woman start get fraid. Yuh nuh see dem ah call to him pon street and dem ting deh again. Everybody start avoid poor Winston," said Miss Retty.

Some of the thousands of egrets that can be seen daily in the cane fields near Kemps Hill in Clarendon. - Ian Allen/Photographer

As the story goes, Lady Devil, after ensuring all her competitors were sufficiently convinced to stay away, made her move on the much-sought-after Winston.

"Mi hear seh when Winston see har, him tell har seh him nuh inna har, for fi him woman haffi brown and have nice hair," said Miss Retty with a chuckle.

"Heh, hey! When Lady Devil hear dis, she run go back ah har yard and rub up two oil and from dat, is pure crosses start reach Winston. Him start get rash all over him back, him get pink eye, him get bad stomach, all sorta sinting," she said.

It appears someone told Winston in confidence that the woman who had made her intentions to him known, was, in fact, a worker of black magic. It is said that Winston wasted no time in packing his things and headed back to his New York home on the soonest available flight. He hasn't been heard from since.

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com