Good men are hard to find! This is a common sentiment shared by many women who are finding it increasingly challenging to find the man of their dreams. But while many may just abandon hopes of finding their perfect partner, many have settled for being the 'other woman' or what many call a man-sharer.

In this context, the woman on the side knowingly enters into a relationship with a man who is already in a serious relationship with another woman.

Just like any relationship, there is an understanding between the woman and the man. This understanding comes forth from the moment she decides to start a relationship.

Mark Smithhas had relationships with women on the side. He says it is not as hard as people think. According to him, what makes it easier is that the woman on the side knows her position and is usually aware of the bona fide. "It is not like you are hiding it from both women. The one on the side knows from the get-go that there is a 'wife'. She will then have to respect that and usually, when you are up front like that, she stays in line."

Best of both worlds

Smith says that while he has graduated from what he calls 'loose' behaviour, it had its thrills. "That you can call on that other woman when you need her is a plus. And when you are away from her, she won't try to invade your space because she knows when it is her time. So, it's like having the best of both worlds at the same time. You dare not allow your wife to find out. That is why you make the woman on the side, know the facts from the start so she can make her decision."

Cammy Petersondoes not share her man and is not a woman on the side, but she is familiar with this situation. To what extent is this so? "Well, I have a friend who is in a relationship like that. She knows about the man's serious girlfriend. They aren't married but she is like the wife and my friend knew about that woman even before they became serious."

Even though she does not agree with this, she admits that her friend is quite comfortable with it, as she is all about enjoying life.

"She is enjoying the fast life and that is what she is getting from all of this. She is not so keen on having a serious relationship right now, she just wants to live comfortably without having any serious commitments. He affords her that. She gets her freedom while still enjoying a bit of companionship as well."

High hopes

Asked why her friend is depriving herself of a real relationship, Peterson remarks: "She doesn't think she is ready. She has devoted herself to men before and all she got in return was a broken heart. I guess settling with one who has most of the characteristics she likes while not putting her hopes up very high is her way of protecting herself emotionally."

Not planned

She notes, however, that her friend didn't bargain on being a woman on the side, but this just crept up. "It wasn't something she planned. She was just in a state of mind at that time. I guess when she met him she pretty much compromised for happiness and comfort."

Peterson hopes that her friend will soon get out of that situation but, at present, is happy that she is content. "She says she is happy and I love that, but I don't think it is healthy and I pity the man's bona fide woman."

Is it healthy to form or continue these relationships? What are some of the emotional risks involved? Find out next week when we get a counsellor's advice.

Names changed upon request.

latoya.grindley@gleanerjm.com