Q: I have recently separated from my spouse and gone back to live at home with my parents.

My kids, 11 and seven years of age, seemed to be OK, at first, as prior to the separation I was always talking to them. My daughter who is the older one seems now to be having a problem. She is a bright and smart child who will be doing GSAT next year and I do not want to disrupt her life anymore.

The problem is this, I think she is trying to outsmart us and I do not know what to do. I have always told her she is to be honest with me and if she is not I will not able to help her. What she is doing is telling everybody what they want to hear. In other words, she knows how I feel about her father so she tells me she would rather put up with my mother being miserable rather than with the tension between her father and me. But then, when her father talks to her, she tells himthat my mother is too miserable. Then she tells my sisters that my mother is a control freak. One night she cried out in her sleep and said she wanted her father to be a part of her life. I tried to explain to her that he can still be a part of her life and that we do not need to live together for that to happen. Right now I am not sure what to do as I think she is just trying to be smart. Please tell me how to help my daughter.

A: Separation is not easy for children and they may be anxious, irritable, have problems eating, concentrating at school or sleeping. Your daughter is adjusting emotionally to all that is happening to her. You also are going through your emotional adjustment. You are all adjusting to new rules and new situations daily. It will take time for healing to take place.

If there is a positive relationship between you and your spouse regarding your daughter's emotional development, then it will help your daughter adjust to the situation in a positive way. You both should speak with your daughter and let her know that you want what is best for her and that right now mommy and daddy have some things that they need to work out. Remember she does not need details. If your daughter is still not adjusting well after about six months, seek the help of a psychologist.

Q: I don't know if you can help me. I have a 19-month-old boy who is not saying enough words at his age. Toddlers his age are saying countless words but he's only saying 'ga, va, girl, da, da'. He knows colours, body parts, animals and can touch his toes. He also knows the story in his book when I read it to him. So I am wondering why is he not saying any words.

A: Most 19-month-old toddlers speak from as few as 10 words or as many as 60. Although your son seems on target for some skills he should have at 19 months, he is showing a delay in language. You need to get him to a speech therapist so he can be assessed. Continue reading to him and ask him to identify items by pointing if he is not able to say the words. The speech therapist will give you recommendations on how you can help your son.

Q: I am the guardian of a four-year-old nephew who speaks with a lisp and finds it hard to pronounce word properly. He also appears to be slow in his schoolwork, for example, counting and the alphabet. If whatever he is doing proves to be challenging, he just gives up and I am at my wits' end trying to help him but I am not sure if I am going about it the right way. Is it possible for me to get him assessed at this age, and if so where?

A: It is important that you try your best to be patient with your nephew. Focus on the positives. For example, identify the things he can do and praise him when he does them. This can be putting on his t-shirt, or if he puts away his toys without being told to, give him a hug. One thing you can do is to read to him and ask him simple questions. When he gives you the correct answer, praise him. You can get him assessed at Mico Care Centre - 929-7720 - or Vista Counselling and Assessment Services - 382-7034. The psychologist and special educators at these agencies will guide you on how you can help your nephew. You can call the speech therapist at the Speech and Language Centre at 968-3548 to get help with his lisp.

Orlean Brown Earle, PhD, is a child psychologist and family therapist. Dr Brown Earle works with children with learning and behaviour problems throughout the island and in the Caribbean. Email questions to helpline@gleanerjm.com or send to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.