The recession has been hitting romance very hard. Many men who were in the habit of having multiple relationships have had to do some drastic downsizing in order to stay afloat financially. Many women who were used to being kept in the lap of luxury have had to make serious adjustments such as finding employment or even adding more men to their rosters in order to maintain their lifestyles.

I have heard of cars and apartments that have been repossessed by 'sugar daddies' who no longer have strength of cash to continue making additional monthly payments. So, many of them are turning to old ways of courtship such as the odd dinner and a movie, a drive to the country, sending love verses, visits to many free events and roses for special occasions.

Cost of love

No more regular trips to the jewellery store, shopping jaunts to Miami and the fully maintained crissas. Yes, love costs a lot of money. See how it adds up:

Weekly trips to the beauty salon for a manicure, pedicure and hairdo.

Fortnightly trips to the spa for a massage, wax, facial, scrubs, rubs - the lot. (After all, you have to be more gorgeous than frumpy missus at home).

The car and its maintenance costs.

The grocery bill.

The clothing and accessory bill.

The utility bills.

The pocket money for lunch and sundries.

And, God help you if you also have to take care of her tertiary studies plus her needy relatives. Love is very expensive.

No love

So, next time you look in the mirror at your balding head, pot belly, hair growing from your ears and nose, wrinkled brow and think she's into you for love, forget it. She usually superimposes a nice close-up of your wallet covering all your flaws; don't fool yourselves. Many of these young, nubile lasses swallow a pint of Pepto-Bismol just so they don't puke when you touch them. And they have no intention of staying around till you graduate to your electric wheelchair.

As for those who marry some of you who are silly enough to dump your wives after many years of service, note how quickly they get pregnant just so the money keeps rolling in long after they have rolled you out on a gurney. Have you ever considered why they have so many reasons to go off on their own or with their girlfriends? As soon as they get the platinum and diamond, the help takes over seeing to your needs while they get busy with theirs - without you!! More expense and the joke's on you.

So, if you are a man who is lucky enough to still have loads of cash, be satisfied with the occasional 'woman of ill repute'. Think twice before investing so heavily in love.

NB: Views in this column are strictly for fun and entertainment.

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