Q: I find myself talking to God about my issues with death. You see, I am 50, have full blown AIDS, and I am in an overseas hospice and dying. I have made financial plans for my children, all over 15, and their father, who is not HIV-positive, is a part of the picture. We were never married and had no relationship since 1995. I find that I am trying to bargain with God about postponing my death. Is this normal?

A:Bargaining is a stage of dying where a person is hoping that his/her death can be postponed or delayed. The dying individual may find him- or herself saying, 'Yes God, I know that I am dying, but can you give me a few more weeks, months or years and I will be a good and decent person for that period of time.' This is normal. At any one moment you may go through a series of emotions as you make sense of what has happened in your life. Acceptance is not going to be easy. It is good that you have put plans in place. Continue to be as close to your children as you can whether by telephone or the Internet or visits. It has been shown that when sick, a close spiritual connection with God will help you not to be severely depressed.

Q: How do I help my children to accept the fact that my divorce from their father is final? It has been two years now. My children are 13 and 15.

A:Tell your children to come to you ANYTIME they want to talk about the divorce. It is quite normal for children to have pent-up emotions. It is very important for them to know that they can express themself and that you will listen. Keep the door open for discussions with your children. Be honest about your feelings, but do not share details that will make them angry at you or their father.

Q: My eight-month-old daugh-ter is not smiling. She responds well to all we ask, so I know she is not retarded, but there is no smile or laughter.

What do I do?

A: Social smiles should start by a child is six weeks old. You need to take your child to your paediatrician and ask if there is any problem with the structure of your child's face. Do not worry, there is help for children with facial abnormalities.

Orlean Brown-Earle, PhD, is a child psychologist and family therapist. Dr Brown-Earle works with children with learning and behaviour problems throughout the island and in the Caribbean. Email questions to helpline@gleanerjm.com or send to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.