FACT: Adults, on an average have sex 61 times per year, slightly more than once per week. University of Chicago National Opinion Research Center (C. Gearon, 'Sex in Marriage: Better Sex in Marriage'.)

As couples become more familiar with each other, sexual intimacy and spontaneity diminish and sexual intercourse and lust become less. Contrary to what parents believe, children love to see mother and daddy hugging, kissing, flirting and smiling at each other. When children see parents demonstrate their love for each other, they know that it was in that same spirit of love into which they were born and they take that positive element into their own relationships later in life. According to Donna, "I can never forget how loving mummy and daddy were when we were growing up. Daddy was always stroking mummy's hair and she would give him gentle shoulder rubs. They would lock us out of their room ever so often and we thought it so 'cool' for them to be getting in on at their age then (40s). In my marriage now, my husband and I try to keep the sex life vibrant."

When children arrive in a union, sexual intimacy tends to take second place in the relationship. Very often, this possibility is not discussed before children arrive and when the reality of children in the household hits home, it is just then parents realise that their sex life is in trouble. What is needed during parenthood is a practical approach to sexual intimacy. With the extra responsibility of child care, it is important to schedule an appointment for sex in the busy relationship. This does not mean by scheduling sex it will make it boring.

Scheduling sex

Sheri and Bob Stritof (marriage.about.com) offer good advice for scheduling sex.

Couples should communicate their feelings and thoughts about their sexual intimacy and different time schedules and or body clocks.

Look at both schedules and see what times of the week may work best. Work around children's schedules for activities and commitments.

Make firm schedules and times that you will not have to change. It may mean an early afternoon and let grandma take care of the children.

Try to get away as often without the children and one-night stands are great for the union.

One-night stands are not only for dating and a night out with singles. They are very useful in keeping the intimate spark in the relationship. Couples should have one-night stands with one another. The Stritofs believe that having a one-night stand can be good for the union all through the years together. Find time to get away from everything - children, parents, dog, cat, plants, work, neighbours, relatives and even the telephone - even for one night.

One-night stands

Several hotels and motels offer attractive rates which you can afford. Watch out for specials at intimate hotels, villas or bed-and-breakfast places. Plan your work schedule to have some 'down time' to arrange your get-away night. One couple planned to work through its lunch time for a week, so on a Friday they could take off just before lunch for an extended day/night get-away.

One-night stands allow for time alone without any distractions in a fresh environment where you can have uninterrupted conversations. There will be no hassle about the preparation of meals and washing dishes. Intimate moments will be more spontaneous and romance will come naturally with the interruptions often experienced at home. Laptop computers and BlackBerrys are not allowed lest they offer the temptation to deal with business-related matters. It is permissible to check on the children, but you should do the calling and not too often. Children should be made to understand that parents need their 'own' time so they will appreciate when parents are away together.

Threesome sex

One of the essential elements of a healthy sex life is communication. In your time alone, couples should take time to share all their sexual desires including those that may need a re-orientation of one's sexual thinking to engage in it. Sexual intimacy is a process of discovery supported by honest communication. For years, Haroldfantasised about a ménage à trois (threesome sex) and his wife freaked out every time he mentioned it. However, her friends encouraged her to think about it sharing their experiences and sexual benefits. Eventually, she decided to surprise Harold for his 50th birthday and arranged the ménage a trois with her friend. Harold was ecstatic and his wife said their sex life took on new dimensions.

Foreplay

If you want to have good sex in the evening, start with foreplay in the morning and continue during the day. Prevent being grouchy or ignoring your partner during the day as this limits your chances of a hot lovemaking in the evening. You could take a shower together and give a full body massage to each other and sip chilled wine and savour the moment of being together.

Intimacy is a gift that you give to yourself and your children. As such, you should constantly rekindle intimacy in your marriage and not let it fade away when children enter your lives. Spend quality time together which is more than having sex. It may mean going for a stroll or going on a leisurely drive through the countryside. The movies can be a romantic place to get close and flirt with each.

Love is old-fashioned movies

With true love to gain

Always remember romance

And kiss in the rain.

- Lottie Hammond

(names changed for privacy).