Q: I am a mother whose daughter was molested by my husband - her stepfather. I never saw it coming.

The ordeal began when I was pregnant with my second child. I was bed-bound due to fibroids and my daughter was 16 at the time and attending high school.

She never told me of the molestation at the time but she told my husband's mother, who did not say a word to me. Her grandmother's only hint was that my daughter would run away at 18. I never understood why my daughter said it and enquired as to why my daughter would run away but she said nothing.

When I asked my daughter what was happening, she only looked sad and never said anything.

After I had the baby and moved to our present home, the frightening revelation hit me. My daughter eventually told me of the ordeal she had gone through with him during her CXC examinations. And, it did not stop there.

Break down

She told me that each time she had a bath, he would present himself in her room to molest her.

When I confronted him he admitted it and said he was in love with her. The situation almost drove me crazy.

I was not sure of how to deal with it, as my theory was that she would have to tell the police the entire details. She was now in her late teens, going to college and I did not want to put her through all of that again.

I stopped sleeping with my husband and, inevitably, things eventually started to break down in the house.

My daughter and I developed a stronger bond. I also felt guilty, as though I allowed this monster in our life after we were living alone for so long.

After thinking through the matter for some time, I went to the police who told me that it should have been reported a long time ago, and that she is too old now. The police also advised that the court would ask why now, and that the matter could be drawn out. I wanted to put some closure to the matter and hoped there was some medium by which you can assist as I can't do this by myself. There are days when I just sit and cry.

A: You and, especially, your daughter have undergone grave and great stress.

And worse, the support you should be getting from your husband and his family is not forthcoming. They are excusing outrageous behaviour and do not want society to express outrage at this heinous crime through the justice system.

They need to remember that to be aware of child molestation and not to report it is a crime under the Child Protection Act. They, too, need to face the justice system. In addition, the advice by the police officer has no foundation in law. On a broader issue, I would suggest that you be careful of taking advice from incompetent persons and others who have axes to grind.

The child your husband was duty-bound to protect, he abused. This is despicable behaviour and a regular deliberate sexual molestation of a minor.

Your daughter did well to report the matter to your husband's mother. Some children who have been abused say nothing to anyone and bottle it up and sometimes it leads to truancy, emotional and mental problems. By sharing it with someone, it might have helped her emotional and mental health. Unfortunately, the mother-in-law was more concerned about her son and the family's name, rather than the victim, your daughter.

Awful situation

Your attempt to get justice might bring some more closure. Your fears that a court case might have been traumatic for your daughter are understandable and your reactions are normal. You will also need to talk with a competent counsellor to help your endure this awful situation. It seems strange that you have spoken to two members of his family about this shameful and disgraceful situation but not to your family? Why?

Obviously, you did not know that your husband would have sexually abused your daughter. It could be he was a sheep in wolf's clothing or that he changed after he got married to you. You have to be careful and try to know the person very well before committing to a relationship. What is important is the step you are taking to rectify the situation.

Erotic feelings

Your husband's comment that he loved your daughter why he sexually molested her does not hold water. What he meant was that he had selfish erotic feelings for his stepdaughter. Love is not selfish. He was satisfying his ego and passions. He was not concerned about the feelings of his stepchild. He was abusing his position of strength for self-gratification.

You have many issues and problems but deal with the most important one first, which is to get justice for your daughter and to get out of a relationship with your husband, who has not repented of his behaviour.

Send your questions and comments to our counsellor at editor@gleanerjm.com.