Angela Philipps, Gleaner Writer

Why is it that we single women worry about holding on to a man once we have him? Shouldn't he be just as concerned about losing us? Aren't there also things a male lover can do to make us leave? And shouldn't he be making every effort to ensure that he acts appropriately and in accordance with our wishes (provided they are reasonable)?

Have you seen the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 days, starring Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey? It's about a young lady who writes the 'How to' column in a magazine. Her editor tells her to find a boyfriend and then do everything possible to make him dump her within 10 days.

Her task is to basically do all the things that men hate about women. There's a subplot as well, but let's stick to this piece of the story. Actually, for the purpose of my article, I am going to change things around a bit, due to events that have occurred in the lives of my single girlfriends and me.

So yes, a bloke can also make a gal run in the other direction!

I was in a serious relationship with this man, but he broke up with me so many times that I lost count. More fool me, of course, for getting back together with him as often as I did.

Had enough

Anyway, one day I had had enough. He ended things, like before, and it was over. I decided to move on and do what was best for me. However, I was still deeply in love with him, and I worried about how I was going to get through the years without him. Spending the rest of our lives together had been in my dreams, but he had been stringing me along for years, not willing to commit.

Within a week of the final break-up, he started calling me several times a day and sometimes five times within an hour. He wanted to be with me again. He said that he'd made a huge mistake and that I was the only thing that mattered to him, blah, blah, blah.

I arrived home late one night, and there he was waiting at my door with questions such as, "Where have you been? Who have you been out with? Have you found another man?" I was furious. If there was one thing his obsessive behaviour was doing, that was pushing me away.

And so it did. The most annoying issue of the whole saga came about a while after, when he was telling people that I'd broken his heart. Well, talk about a turn-off!

A friend of mine had a similar experience a few months ago. Her 'ex' turned up at a dinner uninvited, he sent texts that were tormenting her emotionally, and he would not accept that their relationship was over. He acted as if he was the wounded soldier who was helpless in his situation. She began to lose respect for him and realised that she was falling out of love with him because of it.

Behaves like a self-absorbed idiot

The worst part of this all is that the man makes himself out to be the victim. He somehow manages, for a while, to make the girl look mean and uncaring. He twists everything she says and, in a nutshell, behaves like a self-absorbed idiot.

I'm not certain if any of these men realise what fools they are being, because they are only thinking of themselves in these cases. This is no excuse. One does not wait until something precious is lost before trying to win it over.

A man would not throw away money that's for the rent or mortgage on his house, which is part of his livelihood. So why would he so easily chuck out the love of his life before realising that he needed her? That's a sure way to lose a girl.

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com