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Outlook Youth - What to do when your teen has a boyfriend/girlfriend
published: Sunday | June 29, 2008

Anthony Meerak, Outlook Youth Writer

After grooming and nurturing this person for 17 years, you're hit with the statement, "Mom I'm in a relationship." It's a hard fact to cope with, but it is a fact nonetheless, one day your teenager will tell you that he or she has a spouse and you will have to deal with that reality. Your response to the situation has a large impact on how everything will unfold and progress. Here are some dos and don't tips when in a situation like this.

Feel free to drop me a line at anthonymeerak@yahoo.com

Time to talk

  • DON'T be silent

    Try not to sweep the situation under the rug, if an elephant is in the room acknowledge it! Don't expect things to work themselves out, or presume your teen knows what to do. We need to break this communication barrier we often build between ourselves and our children. There were certain issues we couldn't talk about when we were younger, and we treat it the same way when we become adults.

  • Do - encourage interaction

    This is an ideal scenario in which to talk to your teen about love, sex and all the consequences of being in a relationship with someone. Most people think that a relationship only evolves around sex, or going out. In truth, a constructive relationship may not have anything to do with either matter. It's about two people sharing, bonding and developing socially. Perhaps your teen is going through something that this person can help your teen overcome. Try to steer them in a path of constructiveness, where they can both become better persons through the experience.

    The aftermath of hearing the news

  • Don't - panic

    Many parents dread the thought of someone hugging or kissing their teen, and their first reaction is to panic. They begin to think negatively about the situation, chastising their teen and telling him or her about the good 'ol' days', when dating could only be done by adults.

  • Do - relax

    The relationship that they are talking about may not be the one going through your head. Their being in a relationship doesn't mean they are involved intimately or are planning to get married. Perhaps, for their being in a relationship is having someone you can talk to on the phone and go to parties with. Whatever the case may be, know the facts before you start to react. And another thing, the good old days is usually a figment of our imagination. It's that phase in our lives where we choose to remember all the good and forget the bad. Relationships have been around for years and even we had our teenage crushes.

    Meeting this new person

  • Don't - Isolate yourself

    If we aren't in agreement with something we tend to isolate ourselves from it. It's our way of expressing our disapproval. In a case like this we may choose not to acknowledge the person or display an open resentment towards him or her.

  • Do - be inviting

    Yup, it sounds weird, but this is the only way you can get to know the person and conduct your personal examination. You can use this opportunity to find out who your teen is dating. Things such as what they like, what are their future plans and why they like your teen. This will give you a good idea of their motives. Most important, these people will have to carry the burden of being exposed. Now you know who they are and they know that. And they know that if they should mess up, you know where to find them.

    For the most interesting teen issues and styles, get your copy of Youthlink magazine on news-stands on Tuesday.

  • More Outlook



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