Angela Philipps, Contributor

Have you been searching for your soulmate for as long as you can remember? Aren't you exhausted from years of dating? Should we all be holding out for the non-existent perfect guy, or hitch ourselves permanently to one now, in case he doesn't come along? Stealing a quote from Lori Gottlieb (Marry Him!) who wrote, "It is like musical chairs - when do you take a seat, any seat, just so you're not left standing alone?"

I have written many articles about the empowerment of women and how we don't need a man in our lives to be happy, succeed or live. I have argued that one must hold out for true love and not settle for a relationship that is not quite right. However, in the light of day, so to speak, I realise that it's not as simple as all that.

Less appealing

As women age, we become less appealing - parts of our bodies aren't as pert as they used to be, the odd facial hair grows longer than the rest, our necks are permanently wrinkled (as are our hands, chests and faces), and we aren't as 'fit' as we were in our 20s. Yet, a 40, 50, 60 and even 70-something fellow looks more distinguished. Think Harrison Ford, Roger Moore, Sean Connery, Will Smith, Denzel Washington, as opposed to Whoopi Goldberg, Liz Taylor, Joan Collins and Lauren Bacall. And don't be fooled ... the likes of Halle Berry, Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston might all be absolutely beautiful now, but give them a few years.

Listen, I don't make up the rules. However, for some reason, the younger woman appeals to older men. The only logical explanation is that they're physically in better shape than the more experienced ones! So, does this mean that if we wait we'll be 'cutting of our noses to spite our faces'? Is that such a terrible fate, being alone?

For many ladies it is. It's in our biological make-up, minds and hearts that we must produce offspring. There's a burning desire in many of us to be pregnant, hold our babies and raise them into adulthood. Our search for a mate is not necessarily because we want to be with that one true love, but to facilitate our urge to be a mother. The key is to decide which is more important. Or perhaps we don't have to choose ... can we have both?

It's not that we can't, but maybe we don't know what to look for anymore. The longer that one is 'on the market', the pickier one may become. A young girl's ideals at 20 years old are quite different to those when she hits 35 and older. The former might be starry-eyed and dreamy about fairy tales, but the latter is so jaded that she finds faults in everyone.

Sensible one

Does it matter that the fellow you marry is not the smartest, funniest, and coolest on the block? Surely, a sensible one, who treats you kindly and is fantastic with children is who you should be with? This way, you are certain that you'll be 'looked after' well and that your kids will have a great father. OK, so you might not have passion in the bedroom, but how long does this last in anyone's marriage? If you keep leaving when the lust goes, then you'll never stop. If you continue walking away from every little fault, then you'll never truly be giving anyone a chance, or yourself actually.

Happiness is a state of mind. Sure, there are some people who bring it out of us more than others, and I am not for a minute expecting any of you single gals out there to be with a lad who makes you miserable. Remember, though, that insane and mad love is painful! SO, please don't throw this article in the garbage quite yet. Read it again and think about what I'm saying. Could you be with Mr Good Enough?

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com