Dawn Ritch, Columnist

When I used to help the Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) at elections, I noticed that the only one who came on time for videotapings was the then Opposition Leader, Edward Seaga.

More than that, his text was always finished and polished and he took no time to get into make-up. He was always ready. The others sauntered in when they felt like it, regardless of booking, had no finished text, and argued about make-up.

Memorable taping

One taping I will never forget was that of Derrick Smith, then Opposition Spokesman on National Security. He was seated in front of the teleprompter, in full make-up, lights were on, and cameras about to roll. There was not a bead of sweat on his face.

Bear in mind that Derrick Smith has the best complexion bar none in the JLP. With those sad, sincere-looking hound dog eyes and that flawless black skin, he ought to be a cinch.

But he immediately began to grumble in his low, even, beautiful monotones about my perpetually overlooking him in my column. He broke out in a sweat and ruined the make-up artist's work. Even the top of his collar was soaked.

Someone else clearly had to take over. Babsy Grange hove into sight. I quickly retired. It was a seamless switch.

Not that it helped Smith much. He still has a great face and exquisite skin, but today, the whole country can see how deeply ineffectual he is as Minister of National Security.

Derrick Smith really is a silly bird, too timid to get into trouble. No amount of make-up or ministerial office can mask that fact. He ought not to be a politician, much less Minister of National Security. But as a friend of mine, who has no regard for politicians has said to me, "What else is he suited for?"

In what may be an apocryphal story going the rounds, the new Minister of National Security addressed the inmates at the prisons when he first took office. He is said to have told the assembled population, "Nice to see so many of you here."

Smith is a perfect specimen of the Peter Principle, promoted to the highest level of his incompetence. Anybody who starts out a sensitive job like that trying to charm prisoners has the cart squarely before the horse.

He had shadowed security for virtually all of the JLP's 18 years in Opposition. Outsiders can be forgiven, therefore, for thinking that he ought to be an expert by now, or at least better prepared. But Smith is temperamentally unsuited to that portfolio. He'd rather watch milk spoil than kick over the pail. He's a wimp, and even after being appointed minister, is still just a shadow.

Cancerous crime problem

As a consequence, a cancerous crime problem has accelerated on his watch. The murder toll has rocketed pass 1,000. That is no way to keep the peace.

There is still no police commissioner in Jamaica. But with a minister like Smith, who has never had any real responsibility in life other than getting into his make-up, any new police commissioner will find himself doomed to a performance that is not noteworthy in any respect.

When the Labourites were in Opposition, they trumpeted from every roof top that they had the key to stop the criminal rot. The JLP-commissioned Colonel Trevor MacMillan report, they said, would do the trick.

But from September 3, when they won the general election, we haven't heard another word about the report. Instead, more people are being murdered, and Col. Macmillan himself has been sent to the Ministry of Finance. He is heading up a newly formed special revenue division, ostensibly to hunt delinquent taxpayers.

This column has always maintained that Bruce Golding talks so much that he can't even bother to listen to himself. Here he is, speaking last week, according to another newspaper, about what he calls the "creaking deficiencies" of the justice system, as though he were talking about somebody else, or some other government: "We must find the will to respond to those recommendations. But the justice reform programme, like other endeavours, particularly some with which I have been associated, needs a driver. It needs a driver to ensure that recommendations can be transformed into decisions and decisions can be transformed into action. It needs someone who is going to ensure that something that can be done in two weeks doesn't take two months or perhaps forever."

This leads me to wonder exactly who that "someone" might be. And what are the other endeavours that need a driver, particularly those with which he freely admits he has been associated?

Prior to the election, Golding portrayed himself as the driver. But today, he is still ruminating on the need for a driver, and probably whether or not he can stop talking about the bus, and actually try to move it. This is the clearest admission yet, and in his own words, that Golding has lived a lifetime of recommendations, and has absolutely no idea how to implement a single thing two months in office, Golding is still casting about for a driver.

Top of his subject

The only person in the JLP Cabinet who is on top of his subject area is Mike Henry, Minister of Transport and Works. He immediately began to investigate the sale of Air Jamaica's Heathrow slots to Virgin Atlantic Airways. He is bustling to make sense of the bus depot and transport system. And he is doing it all calmly and sensibly.

There was no videotaping of Henry. Maybe he was the wrong colour. His electoral record was hugely respected by Seaga, but the latter always sidelined him. This, despite the fact that Henry is the only politician in Jamaica who has ever been interested in the effect of a burgeoning population on public policy and implementation. That always made him a worthwhile intellectual in my opinion.

Now he has demonstrated that he is also an able Cabinet minister. Had people known he was that competent, he certainly would have succeeded Seaga, instead of Golding, whose competence is still yet to surface.

Henry's other ministerial colleagues, like Michael Stern, for example, are busily stumbling over their texts in front of microphones and trying to count and read at the same time. Nobody has noticed that the majority of these male ministers are virtually inarticulate. Nobody says a word about how painful it is to hear their continual stammering and stuttering. And, unfortunately, those who are articulate cannot be believed.

Portia Simpson Miller's public delivery of herself was a paragon of precision and clarity compared to anyone of them. It's not she who needs help; it's all of them, and particularly those who deny or have difficulty remembering their pre-election promises to various organisations.