Melville Cooke

The first time I was flashed in traffic I was, naturally, quite surprised. It was not a surprise of the pleasant variety, either, as the flasher was not a lissome lass pouting perky twin orbs from her push-up bra, or a mature mama, bored with the inching traffic and testing her ability to still make a yard from a few male inches.

It was a crusty man with the glare of someone whose entire manhood is wrapped up in getting from point A to point B in the new robot taxi record time, heading towards me at high speed on the side of the road that the little red book and common sense told me is temporarily mine.

When he flashed I had no idea if it was a request or a command, but I knew the sensible response; make an extra lane near the sidewalk, which I did. I have found myself having to make that room on a somewhat regular basis, as the flashers indicate their 'ignorance', in the Jamaican sense, of how cars are supposed to be safely operated with due consideration for others. It is especially common at crowded intersections, which is where my major problem with the interpretation of traffic flashing occurs.

I do not know if it means come hither or stay put and that moment of hesitation is almost sure to bring about a flashing of another kind, either from an arm or very impatient eyes, or both. It is often accompanied by a blow of the unwelcome kind (see reference to lissome lass and mature mama above).

That flashing arm which signals the impatience of the flasher is a signal that I have been unable to find in the little red book. I have deduced, though, that depending on the situation it can mean 'come nuh', 'stan' up', 'guweh' or 'yu damn eediat'.

And sometimes when a driver (always male) decides to give me a break by braking up in a position that leaves me only inches to negotiate a turn, then flashes an arm impatiently and imperiously, I really have to wonder if I should accept the act of supposed kindness.

Still, I generally do not have that problem with women, who seem to believe wholeheartedly in the gospel according to Buju Banton; 'driver, don't stop at all'. They tend to be of so stingy drivers, rarely creating or leaving an existing piece of space in traffic. Without being sexist in any way, I can only compare many a female driver to cows crossing the road, dead set in one direction and with no intentions of turning back. The best bet is to head for the tail (well, tail light, in this case).

And for those who are offended, ... I hasten to add that male drivers, especially the young ones and those trying to be young, tend tobe full of bull.

There is another traffic signal that I am sure quite a few people are now familiar with, the right arm dangled downwards, hand circling languidly, which indicates that the person driving directly behind the vehicle in question 'come roun'. This is after the digits' dangler has stopped abruptly in the middle of the road, whether for conversation, to pick up someone or for no discernible reason, other than to grin and celebrate "a really me a drive dis? Me bus now!"

There is one flashing in traffic that I do appreciate, though, and that is when another driver or drivers wink their headlights to wink off oncoming drivers to police presence up ahead.

I know that there are those who believe it may tip off criminals who are about to head into that police spot check or speed trap, but I believe there is a much higher probability that there are crooks up ahead.