Dear Rev. Hyatt,
LET ME congratulate you on this column, it has really been great.
I love your views and advice, do keep it up. I am having a bit of a problem.
I have been a Christian for 15 years, and during this time, my pastor has been my role model. He was the one who preached in my salvation and baptised me. I really look up to him for spiritual support and otherwise. I am sure you are wondering why then am I coming to you with a problem instead of him. The reason for this is that he is my problem. My pastor is a widower; his wife died about 2 years ago. He is, however, still pretty young, about early 40s. I am 30 years old. For about three months now, he has been making advances on me, telling me that he likes me. I was a bit flattered at first, thinking that maybe he would be interested in getting married to me. This is not the problem, however, as I would be more than happy to get married to him. The problem is that he has asked me to have sex with him. Even though he says he wants to get married to me, I still think it is wrong, problem number one.
Problem number two, I know at least two other young ladies whom he has asked to marry them, and has requested sex from them. I am very concerned for him, and am hurt that he saw me as nothing special but an opportunity for sex. I want to tell him that I know about the other ladies, but am not sure if I should. What should I do?
My Dear Sister,
Thank you for your kind words, I will try to live up to your expectations for the column, as long as I am writing same.
Your problem is a very interesting, yet sad one. The reality is that pastors are firstly human beings, who are equally prone to temptations and succumbing to same like everyone else. It would seem to me that your pastor misses sex with his wife, and is trying to get sex to quench his thirst. He is, however, going about it the wrong way. He needs to find a young lady who he is comfortable and in love with, then court and marry her before seeking to have sex. What he is attempting to do is wrong, and should not be condoned. The tone of your letter sounds quite understanding and not angry. I salute you for that, but this man needs help.
I suggest you have dialogue with the other ladies, and you speak with the leader of your denomination, be it the bishop or chairman. You have to be very careful as this man, in order to protect himself, may say that you and the other ladies have been sexually harassing him. Believe me, the congregation would be quicker to believe him over you.
Be very discreet. However, I do not believe this is something to be discussed at the dinner table or over the phone with friends, if you get my drift. Your aim should not be to harm this man's character; it should be to get him help from the proper source, hence my suggestion to go to the head of the denomination. I believe Jesus would have done something like this, and not fuel gossip as the Church is noted for doing.
God will make a way, where there seem to be no way.
Rev.
Dear Rev,
I have a question that has been bothering me for some time now, and I am not sure what is the right thing. I am a 26-year-old young lady, who has been a Christian for the past two years. I am also a virgin and believe that I should keep myself for my husband.
There are some friends of mine at church, however, who tell me that nothing is wrong if I have anal sex with my boyfriend instead of the other way. They claim it is very safe, and there is no way I can become pregnant. Is this true?
Christian.
Dear Christian,
Your friends are correct and incorrect. It is true that there is no way possible for you to get pregnant with anal sex. However, what is equally true is that you are more likely to contract a sexually transmitted disease, include HIV/AIDS through anal sex as oppose to vaginal sex.
The muscles of the anus were not created to endure sex; therefore, they get damaged easily. Additionally, it is easy for the flesh around the anus to tear, because it is quite tender, so tender that it at times tears during defecation. It is therefore much more painful to have anal sex as opposed to vaginal sex, and you are more likely to contract something.
The question of virginity has come to surface often these few days. Are you a virgin simply because your hymen is in place, or is virginity also the level of exposure one gets to sex and sexual activities? This may vary from person to person; however, as far as I am concerned, as a Christian, you should not be engaging in any form of sexual intercourse, be it vaginal or otherwise. Your body is the temple of the Lord, and having sex outside of marriage, even anal sex, is a sin.
Tell you friends they are incorrect, this is not safe sex at all. It is my belief that these are not the best friends for you, and you should keep away from them, Christians or not. Additionally, I am quite proud of you that you are keeping your virginity. That is a very noble and decent thing to do. Believe me, your husband will love you even more for it. Shun the very appearance of evil, resist the devil and he shall flee from you.
Rev.
You may write Rev. Hyatt c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street Kingston, or email him at letstalklife@hotmail.com.
