POSITIVE Parenting

A mother's love and protection for her child is instinctual, and aggressive when necessary. I cannot speak for men, but I'm sure it's almost the same. That being said, the female gender does have a reputation for being a bit more neurotic when it comes to the safety of their sons or daughters.

I remember when our son was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) right after he was born, and I said to my husband, "If anything happens to him, you do realise that I will kill myself?" I know this sounds drastic, but I really meant it. I did not know how I would be able to go on without him, even though I'd only known the wee one for nine days!

If I'm being completely honest with myself, that neurosis started the day I found out I was pregnant. I used to say to my husband, "If you ever have to choose between the baby and me, save the baby." He never understood me, but this all changed the moment he came into the world! When it comes to keeping the little chap out of danger, I trust my big chap implicitly. Realistically, both of us are completely responsible for keeping him safe. It's easy to say that now, of course, while he is unable to walk (the baby that is), but how will we manage when he becomes more mobile? What about when he starts school, or when he goes partying as a teenager?

'Helicopter parents'

I just read an article in the November 20 issue of Time Magazine, entitled 'The growing backlash against over-parenting'. It discusses an insanity which modern Western families have recently adopted. These people are known as 'helicopter parents' because they have a tendency to hover over their children beyond necessity. The pressure is pointed at every aspect of a kid's life, not just his (or her) well-being. He must excel in academics. If he's unusually bright, or good at something, he needs tutoring, and if he is average or below, he still needs tutoring! It's not good enough to only play the piano and learn football. Coaching in swimming, karate and art are also required. If the day isn't completely consumed with school and activities, the child will fall behind in this world! Or so they think!

Parents are catering to each second of their children's time, including providing them with every item of clothing, gadget and food that they ask for. Whatever they do for them, no matter how ridiculous, they justify by saying something like, "I want the best for my child."

Free play

What about leaving your kid to play by himself? What happened to down time? I am constantly in awe of the structure which parents press upon their children after school is finished for the day. It's no wonder they need help to take up the slack during bath and bed times! If I were to drag my son around town all afternoon, between countless appointments I had made for him, I'd be exhausted and have a nanny too! Not a chance I'm afraid. While I agree that he should be exposed to different things and people, I believe that free play, on his own, at home, is fundamental to his development and independence.

The latter word is the key here. Allowing our children to be independent is one of the best gifts we can give them. If we become too protective, we are not doing our duty. Everyone leaves home eventually, and goes out into the world on their own, so it is our responsibility to ensure that our offspring do this with utter confidence.

Emmadaltonbrown@gmail.com