Dear Counsellor:

I have a weight problem. I am fat and I am unable to lose weight. I cry about it and get depressed and so I eat more.

- Marion

Dear Marion:

Weight management can be challenging but it is possible to lose weight and keep it off. First and foremost, you have to put God first and put Him in charge. You will need to set goals that are realistic, measurable, specific and that can be achieved in the given time. For example, you can strive to lose a pound per week. Dieting goes along with exercise and increased activity.

There are psychological and behavioural issues associated with weight management. When people are depressed, they either eat a lot or eat very little. Food can be comforting and soothing. People eat to feel good and joyful. Some persons feel deprived if they reduce their food intake.

You will need to make a log of your feelings at the times you are eating. You will find that if you are happy, you eat, and if you are angry, you eat. Discuss your consumption habits with a dietitian and your emotional problems with a psychiatrist. People have various emotional issues that often impair their eating habits.

Look at your management of stress. Do you become withdrawn, quiet and dysfunctional? Do you view stress as part of life and see stress management as a natural activity? Coping strategies vary among different individuals, and overeating can be one of them.

Divorce and children

Dear Counsellor:

I am in the process of getting a divorce and I am concerned about the effects on my two teenagers. They are asking us about the reason for the divorce.

- Joy

Dear Joy:

Divorce can be challenging and its effects on children can be devastating. During this period of your life, you will need the support of a therapist. Parents are usually angry and regularly become embroiled in conflict. The children become fearful and traumatised.

Kids are generally best served in a home with both parents and siblings. They have difficulty making the transition. It is helpful to take affected children to a therapist. Sometimes children are drawn into the battle and are forced to take sides. Try not to do this.

Children don't want people to separate and prefer if both parents live together. During counselling, they will be able to voice their concerns and identify their feelings. You will have to tell them repeatedly that you love them and that it is not their fault Daddy and Mommy are divorcing. You will need to tell them that Mommy and Daddy will not be living together but will take care of them.

In the divorce settlement, children need to be able to interact with both parents and siblings. Remember that this too will pass. Life will go on. Some kids weather the storm quite well, while other children are severely affected by the situation.

Seek help from a therapist.

Want advice on personal or family issues? Email questions to Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call her at 978-8602.