Q: I have been married for eight years and my wife is one of the nicest things that ever happened to me.

My fault, however, is that I never knew when or how to say sorry. I was insensitive and only thought about sex and self-gratification. Despite that, I tried to play the role of the perfect husband.

During my wife's pre-med school studies, I stayed home and took care of my stepson as if he was my own. I got a rude awakening when my wife reminded me that he was not my child and she will not allow me to dispense discipline to him. That affected me so badly that two years after our other son was born I was still devastated.

She also told me that the consideration for the children is second place to her own happiness and that she was never happy with me.

We had accumulated certain assets by pooling our resources, now she has nothing to do with the obligations and things are falling apart financially.

She said that unless she went away for a while our marriage would be lost. So I agreed for her to visit Canada for three months. She returned but did not come back home as she found out about an infidelity on my part.

I visited her at her new home and asked for her forgiveness. She does not communicate with me at all unless it has to do with the children.

It is my faith that the birth of our child was an act of miracle from God. I believe that if God brings you to it he'll bring you through.

Counsellor, should I give up on this marriage?

A: There are five major reasons for marital problems - lack of communication, financial problems, intrusive in-laws, religious differences; and sexual issues. You have communication breakdown, unresolved issues - your stepson, infidelity and financial stress.

Psychoanalysing

I have also observed your attempts at psychoanalysing your situation and self.

You paint a picture of your wife as the best thing since slice bread but she also shamed you concerning your stepson and is not interested in family life. It is clear that you need to visit a counsellor.

Fortunately, you appear to be sincere and desire to have back your wife, family and life back. You are correct that God can empower you to deal with this marriage crisis.

Should you give up on your marriage? That is your call, along with your estranged wife. Hopefully, a counsellor can facilitate a discussion that will enable you and spouse to decide whether you want to take this marriage out of the crisis. All the best, and let me know the result.

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