Q. My 16-year-old daughter who used to be very responsible seems to be easily forgetting things these days. I do not know if she is simple or careless. She will turn on the iron and start reading and forget that the iron is on. This does not just happen once or twice but over and over again. She would usually be very helpful but lately I have noticed she is not as helpful as before. When I talk to her she says she is tired. She is the eldest of three children, the others are 10 and seven. I depend on her a lot to help in the house. How can I let her understand that she has to be more responsible?

A Your daughter is probably alittle frustrated with all the work she is doing. Sit with her and the other children and see how everybody can help to make the housework lighter. Everyone can help. For example, the seven-year- old child can put his dishes in the sink after eating and the one who is 10 can help to wash the plates. Let all the children know that you appreciate how they are helpful by hugs and other positive ways. If you notice that your 16-year-old daughter is still not being as responsible as she could be, take her to themedical doctor for a check-up.

Q My children are all grown up and the last one is in college, graduating next year. I am still young (in my 50s) and would like to adopt a child. My husband says it is time for us to hang out together, but I still think it is my Christian duty to help the suffering children. What do you think?

A It is great that you want to help but you must consider your husband's emotional needs. It is time for the both of you to go out and just have fun together. You can help children in many other ways other than by adopting. You can organise with your children's ministries programme at your church to conduct educational programmes such as afternoon reading classes for those in your community or collect food and clothes and distribute them to children's homes or children in communities where there are such needs. Enjoy these and other activities you may choose to do.

Q People keep talking about quality time with children, how can I do that? I leave by 6:30 in the mornings and return home most evenings by 6:30. These days, I am feeling guilty as my 10-year-old and 12-year-old girls are complaining that they don't see me. I realise too that I am threatening them to behave themselves when I leave in the mornings and shouting at them or punishing them when I get home in the evenings. They stay with my aunt when I am not there and she is in her 60s and is a quiet person. I know I am stressed as I am a supervisor at a big organisation. What can I do?

A I am very concerned about your mental health. You seem to be taking out your stress from work home to your daughters. You need to manage your job so that it does not cause so much distress in your life. You also need to try your best to calm down before you get home so you do not continue to hurt your daughters in this way. You can start to have quality time with your daughters by starting to have family worship in the mornings and evenings. You can have each of you taking turns to plan the worship session. Remember a family that prays together stays together. Many parents threaten children as they see that as the way to let the children know that they do not want them to get into trouble. Just calmly let your daughters know the good things you expect of them. For example, tell them gently that you expect them to help Aunty wash the lunch dishes, instead of telling them what you are going to do to them if they don't help their aunt. Plan to do things with the children when you get home in the evenings. You can cook or bake something together, watch a movie together and make them choose some of the things you will do together. Doing things together will develop trust and a closeness will start to grow between you and your children. Plan to go somewhere one weekend or one day while they are on summer holidays. Make sure it is a special trip for them and something that you will enjoy too.

Orlean Brown-Earle, PhD, is a child psychologist and family therapist. Dr Brown-Earle works with children with learning and behaviour problems throughout the island and in the Caribbean. Email questions to helpline@-gleanerjm.com or send to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.