Coincidentally, the three of us were born under the sign of Capricorn; Max's birthday is in December and Lori and I were born in January. I don't accept as true all this mumbo-jumbo about birth signs having anything to do with how people behave, because I absolutely believe that a person's character is defined by socialisation and experience. Max grew up with her mother and siblings, Lori with her grandmother and I grew up with both my parents, but was more influenced by my dad.

All three of us, while waiting on Shari to come home, sat on her veranda one Saturday afternoon shooting the breeze until we got into an intense discussion about relationships we had shared.

"I want to fall deeply in love and have someone love me in return, just as deeply and for the person that I am," I said, dreamily. "No, half and half is nothing, I want the full hundred; me giving a hundred per cent to the relationship and him giving me hundred per cent in return."

"Me too, Bunny," Max said, nodding her head approvingly.

"Max, I don't want a man who is jealous, who is a stalker, who keeps malice, or when him vex, him nuh waan let off no sex, can't deal with the spite," I said, pouting.

Max and Lori both cracked up with laughter. "But, Bunny, it always boils down to the spite thing with you, eeh," Max said good-humouredly, still chuckling.

"Yes, man. I have been in two relationships where the men use that as a weapon whenever we had an argument. They hold off on the intimacy," I replied while reminiscing on the past.

"But I thought that that was a woman thing. Men do that as well?" asked Lori with a disbelieving look on her face.

"Of course!" I replied.

"I have heard Bunny talk about that on several occasions," Max said to Lori as if to confirm to her that I was speaking the truth.

Max then looked at me and teasingly inquired, "But Bunny, yuh sure yuh weren't too greedy?"

I laughed and shook my head and continued, "I want someone who is willing and able to do housework as well. Wash, cook, clean, you name it".

"You gone too far now," said Lori, looking at me as if I were being outrageous.

"I mean it," I said. "I work very hard throughout the week, and don't get me wrong, I don't mean for him to do all the housework. I just want someone who will do their fair share of tasks also. After working all week and then having to attend to his physical and emotional needs, I too would like to lay in bed and have him get up and look after breakfast and dinner for me. Why does it have to be that he stays in bed and sleep while I have to get up and cater to his material needs? I am also tired after all that hard work and I too would like to relax all day."

"No Bunny," responded Max. "You need to be considerate of him as well. You can't expect him to be tending to you all the time."

"Don't get me wrong you know, Max. I'll do my share and attend to him, but I am saying that I hate housework and wish that a man will understand that I do and not mind if sometimes some things don't get done and do it for himself."

Lori gave us her account of being the perfect little housewife. She even went as far as to say how she used degreaser on her husband's khakis in order to get the grease out. "House perfectly kept. His white clothes were so white that the ladies at his office would tell him that he had the best wife in Jamaica. At one time he wore khakis because of the type of job he did and his clothes would get all greasy, so my grandmother suggested I use degreaser on the stains to get them out and that's what I did," Lori recounted.

"Yes, my girl, I can attest to that. I have been there and done that too. And at the end of the day the ungrateful wretches don't appreciate it," Max retorted.

"What!" I exclaimed looking at both with dismay. "So why didn't you send his clothes to the cleaners?" I questioned.

"You know when you wanted to be the perfect wife and attend to your husband's every need," Lori stated.

Shaking my head, I replied, "There is no such thing as the perfect wife, Lori, that's a myth. Hear me, Cottrell loves to garden and he did so in his best pants too, but, my darling, I can't manage to wash those dirty trousers so I would pack them off to the cleaners to get them cleaned. Girlfriends, I tried washing those pants once and it was far too difficult," I said, grimacing at the thought.

"I don't even want a man to complain about how bad my cooking is. I want someone to work along with me".

"No Bunny, you need to learn how to cook so that you can prepare a proper meal for your man," declared Lori.

"Lori, I can cook you know. It might not be a gourmet meal or even the greatest tasting, but I'm sure I won't starve to death. Moreover, when you are tired and out of sync, the meal might not come out as delicious and, girl, I don't want a man to pout and complain when it's not gastronomic. If yuh doan waan mi get angry, nuh complain 'bout di food," I said.

"It depends on how he does it Bunny. If he is gonna make you feel dreadful about it then I would agree with you, but if he is encouraging, then there is no reason for you to be upset with him," said Max.

"I agree Max, but he ought to know how to work with the situation. You don't think I know that the food nuh taste so good, don't rub it in. Can't he be supportive and comforting?"

"Bunny you need to learn to compromise," stated Lori.

"Lori, in my relationships I don't hesitate to tell my man about my convictions and about the things that I like and dislike, because no matter how I love him to death I don't believe in compromising,"I retorted.

Lori almost choked and looked at me disbelievingly while Max looked at me disapprovingly and while shaking her head, responded "You can't really mean that Bunny."

"Bunny how can you say that? In a relationship we have to give and take," affirmed Lori.

"Exactly! With a compromise somebody gives and somebody takes, somebody stands to lose while somebody wins, and that doesn't spell for a harmonious relationship at all. Lori, Max, I believe in a win-win state of affairs, work it out so that both parties feel that they have gained and contributed to the relationship," I argued.

Immediately as I had finished that little diatribe, Shari drove up and the discussion was interrupted. After speaking to Shari, Lori who had a date, left, and Max and I went on our regular weekend running. But, our little debate confirmed my belief that socialization is a major influence with how an individual thinks and behaves.

Tell Me

Be careful what you say and how you say it

The magic and the tone of words

Enfolding intentions and relayed wit.

Centuries of knowledge, layers of experience and entire history

In just a few short syllables unravel the mystery

Tell me the truth or relax in your lies

Lest you wrap yourself in a tangle, like spiders and flies.

- Norris Fisher