I saw the related articles on the Students' Loan Bureau in The Sunday Gleaner of May 17 and 24, and thought I could add another side to the story. Before I tell you my ordeal, let me give you a background on why the injustice by SLB was so grave.

My very existence today is a miracle as I have fought hard to be where I am. It's the usual poverty story - going to bed hungry; food was a luxury; clothing was like rare diamonds. The only thing for me in my community was to turn to drugs, succumb to 'donship', immoral sexual acts and procreation. I saw hopelessness and every female had little or no education with multiple offspring. I, too, became a teen mother but chose to press on.

University was a struggle, I dropped to 98 lb from 120 lb (I am 5'8") - they thought I had AIDS; my landlord ran off with my rent and deposit; I slept on floors, made symbiotic relationships to get food, worked part-time to pay rent and purchase necessary items while trying to support a child without any assistance from her father.

Good grades

My grades were good despite the multitude of daily challenges, including begging friends to allow me to sleep at their house for a night or a week because I couldn't afford the rent anymore.

Returning to school (for the child and myself) was a psychological and financial strain. I was truthful about my circumstances and I received an SLB grant for my first year only. My friends lied and bought clothes and travelled on the grant. I owned three T-shirts, two pants and a $100 slippers and I wore them proudly to school daily as my eyes were on the prize.

Because of the psychological pressure, I didn't leave university as originally projected because my existence became foremost. This information was submitted to the bureau, which failed to contact me or assist.

I finished university, unemployed and depressed. The SLB made it a point of duty to call every month to pressure me for their money, and even though I explained my situation, the caller would tell me to find a way to pay it. At that time, my child was doing poorly in school because I could not afford her breakfast. Cheese Trix and bag juice was her lunch - that's all I could afford. Her teacher found out and offered to assist until I was on my feet.

I finally got a job but between rent and SLB I was sure of a place in a mental institution. I wrote the bureau and explained my situation again. I even went in, but all the sympathy boiled down to was: "The reason you have guarantors is that if you can't pay it, they should," and, "By the end of the month (if no lump sum is received) your loan will be turned over to the collection agency."

Frantic - I got a loan against my sister's tuition that she has been saving (for about five years) and gave the bureau. Now I'm repaying the loan and my sister's tuition, in addition to living expenses (bills) and, quite frankly, I can't afford to repay SLB as yet.

comments about my poor attire

My household has five people and I am the only one receiving a salary. When I go to work, I smile at the comments about my poor attire and my child is a walking monthly medical expense. I hired a driver to transport my child to and from school because she has a stalker (adult), and after reporting three incidents to the police I got tired of trying.

The house I currently live in is a fire hazard about 100 or more years old and has started collapsing - literally. I cannot afford to fix it but pray that God has mercy on us during the hurricane season, and when walking on the floorboards you might never know which one takes you under the cellar. I am not looking for sympathy but a fair opportunity to achieve.

The SLB repayment terms I got is not for the poor and struggling. With all said and done, all I wanted from the bureau was more time or a better repayment option.

This surely is 'a deal with the devil'.

I am, etc.,

STRUGGLING

JAMAICAN