Women who cheat on their husbands

Published: Sunday | May 3, 2009


Heather Little-White, Ph.D., Contributor

Sexual infidelity is one of humanity's great obsessions, perhaps second only to violence. We abhor it, yet we want to hear all about it and some can't resist it. It's a part of what has kept Jerry Springer on television for the last 14 years. According to WebMD, "The only completely, fatalistically monogamous animal we've been able to identify is a tapeworm found in the intestines of fish - that's because the male and female worms fuse together at the abdomen and never separate afterward ... .

Other animals, including humans, will try to successfully reproduce not only by picking the highest quality mate they can get, but also taking others on the side. This is why many persons find monogamy hard to maintain.

Independence

Marriages today are changing and no longer are couples remaining faithful together. It is not just men who cheat on their wives, but women also have extra-marital relationships. In an age where women are more liberal and have a sense of independence it has become even easier for women to cheat on their husbands without being discovered. Men and woman generally cheat for various reasons. Just by guessing, it could be said that men cheat more than women. While it may appear that women cheat more than men, the cheating woman is just as common as the cheating man.

Very often, the husbands are not aware of their wives' affairs as they are consumed by in pursuing their own goals. If your wife has cheated and you have found out, she may promise you that it will never happen again, or maybe your experience with infidelity has taken a different turn and you end your marriage. It is important to know the reasons why your wife cheated on you. The reasons are similar to men's reasons for infidelity. Women cheat on their husbands for various reasons like excitement, passion, boredom with their marriage or being neglected by the husband.

Unappreciated

Winsome, 32, an educator, said her reason for cheating on her husband was that she was taken for granted too often. According to Winsome, "My husband is not able to appreciate what I bring to the marriage in terms of sex, thrift and housekeeping skills. He is too busy trying to make money and so I have been receiving attention from a colleague at work and one thing led to the other, so I enjoy my attention at the workplace."

Lack of excitement

Marie, 53, a businesswoman, admits that she has a great companionate relationship with her husband of 20 years but, she says, "I want sexual excitement which he does not offer nor is willing to try." She said that she was so bored with the marriage that she resorted to Internet dating. One day, by chance, a man admired her at the post office, they exchanged numbers and phone conversations took on a sexual nature. You could feel the excitement mounting and eventually we dated and the rest is history, she adds. Incidentally, her extra-marital partner is also married and equally needs sexual excitement.

Poor communication

Natalie, 28, student, and married for just four years, describes her marriage as a"living hell", because her husband is very autocratic and does not communicate well. There are frequent fights and her husband fails to understand how his wife feels. This is leading to several other problems which will eventually lead to many other problems and the marriage is shaky right now. "It is hard to express my sexual feelings and he does know that he is not satisfying me, so I had to find sexual satisfaction from one of my many admirers on campus."

Business travel

Hyacinth, 49, a banker, is well provided for by her husband, but in terms of a closely bonded family unit that is missing. Hyacinth adds that, "He is always travelling and when he is home, it is meetings, meetings, meetings!" Husbands who are always working overseas or coming home late have been known to neglect their wives. On their return home, they are usually tired and pay no attention to their wives, even when she makes the advances.

Eventually, the wives become lonely and temperamental. This leads them to find comfort elsewhere by seeking out another man for happiness. According to Hyacinth, "I have found a wonderful friend who is a divorcee and he is a great stepfather to my teenage son. My husband would be devastated were I to leave him as he could not face his friends because he would feel ashamed, so I will play the game until I cannot take it anymore."

Revenge

Moya, 38, gymnast, became unfaithful to her husband out of revenge, because she found out that her husband was sleeping around. Moya feels that since he chose that path, she will go there as well just to get back to him to get some revenge, this is the first man in her life and he did not have to do her that.

Thrill

Some women simply cheat on their husbands for the thrill of not getting caught, or the feeling that they are getting away with something. Oftentimes it becomes an addiction for both men and women and seems to be uncontrollable until all is lost, including their marriage, their health, and many times their mental stability.

Predictable pattern

According to Michele Langley, author of Women's Infidelity, women's extra-marital relationships today follow a very predictable pattern:

They push men for commitment.

They get what they want.

They lose interest in sex.

They become attracted to someone else.

They start cheating.

They become angry and resentful.

They begin telling their partners that they need time apart.

They blame their partners for their behaviour ... and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.

Those husbands, who have had cheating wives, should not feel hopeless in renewing the relationship. There are powerful tactics to win back cheating wives even if husbands are the only ones who try hard to keep the marriage.

Names changed for privacy.