Heather Little-White, PhD Contributor
Financial compatibility is one hallmark of a successful relationship. However, as the economy flounders and personal finances become more difficult to budget, many couples find that money becomes a contentious issue, creating tension and fights in the union. In extreme cases, disputes about family finances may even lead to divorce.
The financial woes of Wall Street and the rest of the world can affect financial and romantic relationships. According to Viktor Gecas, Purdue University sociologist, "Economic stress is one of the major sources of family stress." He added that this kind of stress can lead to changes in family members with husbands becoming irritable, wives becoming depressed and partners experiencing extreme health and family challenges, such as hypertension, diabetes, alcoholism, substance abuse and family violence (news.uns.purdue.edu).
Layoffs
Financial stress may arise with the loss of employment due to layoffs or rightsizing at the workplace to compound other financial difficulties in the family, such as those related to parenting, schooling of children, illness of a family member and paying bills and making loan payments. Persons in higher socio-economic groups may find it a little easier to find new employment or other sources of income. Couples in lower income groups may find that they have more difficulty solving their economic woes because of limited options and resources.
Disputes about joint family finances arise because couples find it difficult to decide on needs, wants or wishes. 'Needs' relate to the family's everyday needs, such as food, shelter, school supplies, clothing and health care. 'Wants' suggest purchases above day-to-day needs and 'wishes' are items that are not essential but desired and may be a long-term goal which require special savings.
Living above means
Money of itself does not cause conflict, but it is the way that money is earned or spent that creates conflicts. It may mean that you are living above your means. What are the signs that you may be living above your disposable income? Question your strategies to determine why your finances are in a position with which you are unhappy.
Do you have a budget?
Do you rely on a bank overdraft to cover your monthly expenses?
Do you often cook at home?
Are you a shopaholic, chasing after every sale and end up with clothes in your closet you have not worn or items that you have not used?
Do you have to lie to your partner about what you have spent?
Are your costs for personal care and entertainment half or almost as much you pay for rent or mortgage?
To cope with the difficulties of meeting the needs with shrinking family resources, couples will have to make a determined effort to work at maintaining financial compatibility through communication and honesty. Several strategies are available to help couples develop healthy financial habits.
Communication and honesty
1. Couples cannot have a great relationship until they can freely talk and agree about money. Schedule talk time that is convenient and less stressful to focus on money issues related to the family. Make the discussion light and adopt an open-dialogue approach with room to discuss your feelings and the dollars and cents associated with money issues.
2. Do not blame each other as everyone is entitled to make mistakes. However, they deserve a chance to work it out. It may be a problem with overspending on one partner's part, or impulse buying by the other partner. It may be embarrassing but it is best to nip it in the bud before expenses spiral further out of control.
3. Partners will have different saving and spending patterns. Set short- and long-term financial goals that will work for you, the individual, and as a couple. Having set the goals it is important to identify the strategies to achieve them in a set time frame. Couples should be prepared to compromise to make financial ends meet. Constantly revisit the goals and assess your progress in achieving them.
4. Regularly review goals you have set and revive action strategies to keep you on course of meeting your needs if these have changed.
Mutual responsibility
Marriage, or any other union should be a partnership so both partners should be involved in the management of their finances. This will prevent the use of power and will create a greater bond, which will in turn improve family finances. There is a sense of satisfaction when both partners are accountable for finances and financial goals are met.
Financial crises should not only be seen in a negative light. A positive spin-off is that couples are forced to examine their lifestyles to make changes in areas that would normally be taken for granted. As couples redirect their lives during periods of economic instability, they should find that their response to financial crises make them stronger and more resourceful.
