Q I am a woman of 31 years, and I will get straight to the point and tell you that I think I'm 'frigid'.
I have no sexual feelings whatsoever. And I'm not attracted to anybody.
My first sexual encounter was in America at age 13, and I'm wondering if it scarred me, as it was quite traumatic. While it was not actually rape, it was very unpleasant.
I've never had an enjoyable sexual experience since that time, and I feel cheated!
Would seeing a sex therapist or counsellor help me? Also, what do you think about hypnosis? I am told that it can bring inner turmoil to the fore.
Maybe something happened in my past that I don't even know about. Perhaps hypnosis can reveal this.
You can imagine my feelings of desperation, as I sense that life is passing me by.
I should mention that when I am sexually stimulated, I can secrete lubrication. But there are no feelings to go along with this. Please help me, doctor. And don't print my initials.
A Please don't fret about being identified: I never print anyone's initials. Also, I have altered one or two small details of your story, so as to prevent you from being recognised.
And it is a sad story, isn't it? I can understand that you feel life is 'passing you by'.
Summing it up, you have no sexual feelings, but you would like to have them. That is in contrast to quite a few women - who have no erotic feelings, but are quite happy with that situation.
The fact that you lubricate vaginally when stimulated does suggest that the 'mechanical' workings of your body are probably in working order. However, it would do no harm to get a good check-up from a doctor, just to make sure that everything is OK physically.
But I feel pretty sure that your absence of sexual feelings is of psychological, rather than physical, origin. It sounds like you think the same thing yourself.
Now, you suggest that there might have been some nasty episode in your past - like when you were a young child - that has caused this problem. That is certainly possible. It is a tragic fact that many children are 'interfered with' when young, and this often affects them sexually for the rest of their lives.
Could hypnosis bring out such a 'hidden memory?' Possibly. However, you have to be a little careful of the 'False Memory Syndrome'. This is something that happens when people are hunting for some cause for their problems, and somehow imagine a bad event that they think occurred to them in early life.
Short course of hypnosis
However, I do think that you could benefit from a short course of hypnosis, in order to help you relax and seek inner peace. The hypnotist might perhaps be able to help you feel more comfortable about the idea of enjoying sex.
But I suspect that you are ignoring what might well be the main cause of your problem: what happened when you were 13.
Let us consider what you say about that incident. OK, so you state that it 'wasn't rape'. But you describe it as 'quite traumatic'. And it was clearly an unpleasant episode for you.
I think it is noteworthy that you have not spelled out precisely what happened, which suggests to me that your memories of that occasion are painful.
So it seems quite possible that what occurred that day when you were 13 has affected your feelings about sex ever since then. It is common for women to be traumatised in this way by someone inflicting sexual 'attentions' on them.
On the evidence you have given me, I can take this problem no further. But I am sure that you would indeed benefit from seeing a sympathetic counsellor or therapist. She would certainly want to know all about what happened to you when you were 13.
And I do have some hope that she would eventually be able to help you to sort out what is going on in your mind, and - with luck - to allow yourself to have some sexual feelings. Good luck.
Q Good day. I am a guy of 27, and I am still a virgin. Will my fiancée be able to detect this when we first have sex?
A There is no way that she could tell for sure. However, she might perhaps notice that you don't have much idea of what to do.
What strikes me is this. Why don't you just tell your fiancée that you have never had sexual intercourse? A lot of women like the idea of 'initiating' a virgin male, and showing him how to proceed.
Q Eight years ago I found out that my husband was playing around with a female relative of mine. She then proceeded to tell me - in great detail - about all the things my man had done to her, and about how turned on he was.
Well, he admitted to me what he had been doing. He claimed that she had 'made a play' for him. He said that during the affair, he was 'only playing a game'. He stated that when he realised that she wanted the relationship to go deeper, he backed off.
I did not handle this situation well. And since then, I just can't feel any love for him. I tried to forgive him, but deep down inside I am still bitter.
What worries me the most is that these days he is trying hard to please me, yet I can't forgive him. I really am depressed. I feel that if I can't get past this I may leave him one day.
A Well, it could be that you will leave him. You have been very, very badly treated - particularly by this female relative. What she said to you was extremely cruel.
Is she still around? If so, that must be extremely difficult for you.
As for your husband, I appre-ciate that he is trying to 'mend' your marriage. But what he did was an act of absolute folly. Playing around is bad enough, but to do it with a member of the family is breaking a lot of serious taboos, and is real dangerous!
I think your best hope is to persuade him to come to some marriage counselling with you. Also, you say that you are depressed. If so, you need to see a doc and get some treatment right away.
Q I am a guy of 45, and I have been feeling hot and very sweaty at night, often drenching the sheet.
Could it be that male menopause thing?
A Contrary to what you may have heard, there is no such thing as a 'male menopause'.
Major sweating attacks at night can be a symptom of several diseases, so I suggest you go and get yourself checked out by your doc.
Q My sister claims that when she had an ovarian cyst removed there was a tooth in it. Is this really possible, doc?
A Yes, it is.
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