Petrina Francis, Staff Reporter

He controls every move that she makes and she is just about fed up with it. Janet Andersonhas been in a relationship with her partner for four years but she now feels she wants out of the union.

"If I go out with my friends, it's a problem. If I talk on the phone it's a problem," Anderson tells Saturday Life.

Anderson says she has no privacy and feels like she is blighting her future if she continues to be with him.

While admitting that she loves her man, Anderson says that alone will not work because she feels trapped.

Searching my belongings

"He goes through my phone and even calls men whom he believes I am having an affair with," she relates.

Anderson tells Saturday Life that her partner often dissuades her from pursuing her goals.

"When I wanted to go back to school, he didn't want me to. When I suggested that I would buy a car, he said I didn't need one because he takes me around and that's a waste of money," Anderson says.

After she got married, Sasha Tennantstopped calling her friends and rarely hung out with them. She found all the excuses why she couldn't find time for them. But little did they know that she got an ultimatum from her husband to stay away from them or he would walk away from the marriage.

"He kept saying that my friends will lead me astray but I eventually realised that he was controlling me and that's when the argument started," says Tennant.

She advises persons who are involved in controlling relationships to seek help, as this can be unhealthy.

Names changed upon request.

petrina.francis@gleanerjm.com

How to deal with a controlling spouse

Identify the frequency and depth of the controlling partner's behaviour. If it occurs in one area of the relationship, it will be easier to discuss and eliminate, perhaps without therapy. If the controlling spouse tries to keep his/her partner from different aspects of life, such as friendships, hobbies and work, therapy is needed if the partner wants to stay in the relationship.

Refuse to enable or accept the controlling behaviour. Once you realise that your spouse's controlling behaviour is a result of emotional problems, you should begin to feel stronger and work toward improving the situation. Caving in to the controlling behaviour and anger only makes things worse.

Consult a therapist. Remember that controlling spouses act that way because of deep-rooted anger, usually because of cruel or angry parents or a difficult childhood. If they won't agree to seeing a counsellor, temporary or permanent withdrawal from the relationship will be a viable option.

Repair any emotional damage that the controlling spouse has inflicted. Work on renewing your own power and interests, and discard any fearful notions your spouse placed in your psyche. Ironically, when you obey a controlling spouse, it gives more power and he/she will seek to control you even more.

Work on changing the marriage. This takes effort from both partners. The controlling spouse has to be dedicated to shedding old angers and fears, and partners need to remain strong and not succumb to unjust demands for fear of losing or angering the controlling spouse.

Source: ehow.com