AP
Usain Bolt reacts after a heat of the men's 200-metre during the athletic competitions in the National Stadium at the Beijing 2008 Olympics in Beijing, Monday, August 18.

Jennifer Keane-Dawes, Gleaner Writer

Me dear mam, What a heap a lesson flash pon de tv screen dem bout we athlete dem eeh mam? For tek it an look pon it.

Lesson Number 1: One black, green and gold Jamaican, fasser dan a Bolt a lightning. Fasser dan any one dawg. Any two dawg. Any three dawg a run dung dis po bicycle man weh cyan go fass nuff. A de fasses man inna de world!

Lesson Number 2: One black, green an gold Jamaican, weh lef go way a China. Cruise lef everybaddy a de finish line. Suh we coulda holler: "Jeezas wept an wet up Peter crep." Suh, up-oonoo-nose-wid-a-rubber-hose! A de fasses man inna de world!

Lesson Number 3: Three ooman. Equal six Jamaican foot bungle up. Subtract fram, meaning seh, gillup weh lef, dis heap a ooman weh waste plane fare fe come try a ting. Equal de one gold an two silver medal weh tun backra eena eediat. Suh, up-backra-nose-wid-a-rubber-hose. For de sum total? Dem a de three fasses ooman inna de world!

Lesson Number 4: Any Jamaican weh deh a yard dis mawning. Weh huppen dem mout an a ask if a true seh Jamaica win gold medal a Olympics, is fe hab dem dem corouches pack an put pon a lilly piece a flat board. An a straw hat han to dem wid clear instruction fe float galang a Haiti. Wid ongle one ting: mine shark.

Lesson Number 5: Any school pickney weh cyan spell USAIN BOLT, SHELLY-ANN FRASER, KERRON STEWART or SHERONE SIMPSON is fe get no lunch money a mawning. But smady is fe si to it das dem sweep out de canteen fram kanah to kanah.

Lesson Number 6: Any teacha weh haffi double check if USAIN BOLT name start wid H or U. Or a try fine out if USAIN a de man weh George Bush government a hunt dung fe years an still cyan fine. Is fe g'home. For dis is a smady weh wi mek yu sin yuself.

Lesson Number 7: Any backra reporter man or ooman. Like de ooman weh come pass assertion bout maybe drugs gooda be involve wid we athlete. Is fe know das Spaghetti is not we national dish. Full Stop.

Lesson Number 8: Any backra reporter. Like de nice man weh mek de said reporter ooman know seh that giving drugs to we athlete is not what the Jamaica nation is about. Is a very wise man. A modern day Solomon. Weh know full well seh although de disparity between rich an poor a yard big an wide. An although de smady dem weh smoke ganja dung deh claim seh a "fe health an all kine a reason."

Nevertheless, doan tek nuh libaty wid de good. For de athlete dem discipline. Dem train. Dem focus. Dem hab good upbringing. Dem know dem "Our Father Which Art In Heaven." Dem know bout cow foot an broad bean. Oxtail. Curry goat. Mannish water wid spinnas. Dumpling, yam an banana wid mackerel, or ackee an saltfish. Rice wid peas otherwise call rice an peas an two big slice a beef. A dat dem know das why dem fass suh.

An finally mam, Lesson Number 9: Every man or ooman who fa navel string cut a yard. An who is a true bawn Jamaican like meself. Whether we deh a Yard, Africa, Europe, South America, North America, Asia, Australia, Antartica, Heaven a sing wid angel. Or dung a Hell a gi Satan so-so worries. We deh pon de same page dis mawning. We Proud! We everlastingly proud a we athlete. FOR WE LITTLE. BUT WE TALLAWAH. Suh up-backra-an-everybaddy-else-nose-wid-a-rubber-hose!

Tek care!

Dr Jennifer Keane-Dawes has been appointed Interim Dean of the School of Graduate Studies at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore, a constituent institution of the University of Maryland System. Send your email to: jkd876@yahoo.com.