Dear Counsellor:

I had a relationship for a couple of years and it ended. I was without a boyfriend for a while. Recently I was involved in a relationship which broke up because the boyfriend said that my vagina was too big. I am embarrassed about this. Can sex cause my vagina to be big?

M.A.

Dear M.A.:

Do you have children? Sometimes after childbirth the vagina gets larger. Sex cannot make your vagina bigger. I would like you to see a gynaecologist who will examine you and tell you what the situation is.

He might suggest the tightening exercises or surgery to correct the situation. However, bear in mind that your latest boyfriend may have had a small penis and nothing might have been wrong with your vagina.

Dear Counsellor:

I am 16 years old and cannot get along with my mother. My mother wants me to be always studying and staying at home. I would like to go and socialise with my friends or classmates. Sometimes, I feel like running away.

Marie

Dear Marie:

Many adolescents have disputes with their parents. This is because adolescents want freedom and the same privileges which adults enjoy.

Adolescence can be a challenging period for parents and their children. Though adolescents often believe they are grown-ups, most of them are immature.

Your mother is concerned that you might get in with the wrong crowd or start to smoke cigarettes and ganja or drink alcohol heavily. Many adolescents do these things. Some teenagers become sexually active with the risk of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. When adolescents take on adult activity, they lose interest in their schoolwork and become disrespectful to authority figures, including parents.

Therapist

Your mother needs to take you to a therapist to discuss the various issues. During counselling, you will be able to discuss the issues with your mother and negotiate a deal with her. Adolescents who show themselves to be responsible and trustworthy can be allowed some degree of freedom. With freedom come consequences for actions.

It is always good to resolve the issues with your mother. When you become a mother, you will better understand the issues.

Dear Counsellor:

I have been battling depression for the last two years. I have stopped taking medication as I want to cure my depression the natural way. Sometimes, I feel to give up, but I remember my children.

Caroline

Dear Caroline:

Depression is to be regarded as a chronic illness like hypertension and diabetes mellitus. All illnesses have complications and the various medications have side effects. Many individuals refuse to take medication because they feel that it is not necessary.

Social intervention

Depression is treated with medication, counselling and social intervention. Depression is a biochemical abnormality in the brain and the medication takes a few days to relieve the depression but sleep and appetite return earlier.

I would encourage you and others affected by the condition to take their medication daily and to keep their doctor's appointments. Depression can persist for a long time. Some individuals achieve wellness but later have a relapse. Depression can be precipitated by death of a relative or some other loss.

Discrimination

It is okay to seek treatment. We do acknowledge that some people discriminate against individuals who are mentally ill but each patient needs to weigh the consequences of not taking his illness seriously. It is important to take your illness seriously because suicidal thoughts and suicidal attempts can occur in a depressed individual. Suicide is not an option, but people who are not being treated are at major risk for suicide.

A belief in God and his love for us will help us to feel better and overcome the depressed feelings.