Heather Little-White, Contributor

There is a common saying that marriages are made in heaven but maintaining them on earth is a challenge for many couples. Contrary to what is commonly believed, that love is what holds a marriage together, it is commitment that glues couples together for years. No partner is perfect and each brings his or own tastes and personalities to a marriage. As such, much depends on how the conflicts are handled by partners and the levels of commitment to the union.

Love comes first, then children, but it is really commitment that is essential to lasting marriages. Commitment is a willingness to put the marriage ahead of the individual whenever necessary. There are a number of challenges that couples will face as they try to make life together. Common among them are sickness, dual careers, sexual problems, financial constraints, continuing education and career responsibilities, with late work and days spent away from home on business travel.

Respect

Democratic presidential candidate, Barack Obama, 46, a junior US senator, and his wife Michelle, 44, a Harvard-educated attorney, have been married for 15 years. The couple met in 1989 while Michelle worked with a Chicago law firm where Barack later took up a job in the same law firm with Michelle as his boss. In an interview with the Times Courier, Michelle Obama said she "fell in love with him {Barack} for the same reason many other people respect him; his connection with people". The Obamas have two children, Malia, nine and Natasha, six. The Obamas' marriage has come under scrutiny since the campaign for a democratic presidential candidate for upcoming elections in the United States. The Obamas' marriage has highlighted some lessons for lasting marriages.

Communication

It is well established that couples have to communicate with each other about issues which will affect the marriage in any way. Michelle Obama says that although her husband is a good man, he is still a man. Barack admits that he leaves his socks and newspapers around and he'll hang his pants on the door but Michelle will let him know he is not acting right, and "after fourteen years, she has trained me reasonably well". (About.com)

Intimate knowledge

Knowing the nuances and habits of your spouse contributes to sparking intimate flames. Despite their busy schedules, Barack and Michelle Obama make time for each other. In an interview with US Weekly, issue 682, Barack Obama, when asked how familiar he was with the magazine, his reply was "my wife reads it". Barack knows his wife's favourite celebrity performer, Stevie Wonder, and that her favourite pastime activity is Sudoku.

Fidelity

Many marriages break down because of unfaithfulness of one partner. On the matter of fidelity, Michelle Obama when asked about fidelity in her marriage to Barack Obama, said "I never worry about things I can't affect, and with fidelity, that is between Barack and me, and if somebody can come between us, we didn't have much to begin with," (Ebony, March 2006).

Barack Obama, who is a US senator representing Illinois, makes it a priority to spend Thursday to Sunday each week with his family at home in Chicago. When asked about his preferred reading material, he replied, "The books I never tire of are the ones I read with my daughters. Malia and I recently finished reading the Harry Potter series out loud to each other." He spends time riding roller coasters with his children at state fairs. Despite being on the campaign trail, on Valentine's Day this year, the Obamas spent time together as a family, and in the evening Barack had an intimate dinner date with his wife.

Barack, who believes in spending quality time with his wife, said "What I realise as I get older is that Michelle is less concerned about me giving her flowers than she is that I'm doing things that are hard for me - carving out time. That to her is proof, evidence that I am thinking about her. She appreciates the flowers, but to her romance is that I'm actually paying attention to things that she cares about, and time is always an important factor." (Ebony, February 2007)

Family responsibilities

As a husband Barack is not afraid to cook for his family. When he does, Michelle boasts that he makes a 'mean' chili, one of his favourite foods. Barack attests to picking up groceries even on the campaign trail in Iowa.

According to US Weekly, Barack and Michelle Obama have never missed a parent-teacher conference. Michelle posits that "Our future is making sure Barack can get to our daughters' ballet recitals and balancing the demands of this current set of responsibilities with our need to build a strong family." (Ebony, March 2006)

The New York Times (February 18, 2008) reports that "grandma", [Michelle's mother] takes care of the girls when Michelle goes on the road or "else she couldn't breathe if she thought her girls were being neglected for the campaign". She adds that she and Barack are concerned about keeping their lives and family traditions alive on track during the campaign.

Bonding while apart

While the Obamas seldom travel together, they have set up webcams and computers so that they can see each other each other while Barack is on the road. Michelle adds that when Barack is away from home, he calls every night to say good night. Obama admits in an interview with Sylvester Munroe in the March edition of Ebony, 2008, that "being away from the family and missing my kids is hard" while on the grueling campaign. The New York Times reports Michelle Obama is a fierce supporter of her husband's image. She is constantly in touch with her husband's key advisors.

It is not flowers or fame that makes marriages last but it is the commitment to family and the 'little things' that make a difference. Barack and Michelle Obama have spoken publicly about their marriage and there are lessons other couples can learn from the commitment they have to keeping their marriage alive.