Jennifer Keane-Dawes, Contributor
Me dear mam, de other day me an dis yardie siddung a foreign a talk how, nowadays, some smady a yard cheap, mean, an hab no behaviah when it come on to invitation to people sinting. Fe argiment sake, case in point.
Miss Vie, wid har tie head wrap inna one lilly bump pon har head top, a clean har house fram kanah to kanah. Suh, wid de furniture palish inna one han, an de piece a duster inna de adda, she tun to har dawta Elfreda. Weh siddung pon de bed front. Busy, busy a sen out har wedden invitation lef right an centa. Like smady a throw corn to fowl.
Miss Vie: "Elfreda, sen to who yu waan sen. But me a warn yu, nuh sen none to Feva Grass an him wife. For dem deh demon deh a nuh smady fe ramp wid. Dem tief off de whole a government hurricane zinc!"
Elfreda: "Cho mama man, Miss Feva Grass did bwoil porridge fe me when me sick an didÉ"
Miss Vie jump een same time: "An tief me tin a Betty inna de process!"
Elfreda (a get bex little): "Mama, a fe me wedden! An memba seh fram yu bawn yu neva marrid. De more people come, a de more present me wi get. Yu understand?"
Miss Vie: (bringle wid de libaty Elfreda dis tek wid har, ask har next question in a nice, quiet an sweet voice) "How much smady y'a cater fa pootoos?"
Elaine: "Me gone two hundred a ready. De beef an goat head covered. Yu a gi me de hogÉ"
Miss Vie (Bringle, bringle till him couldn't bringle nuh more, but a beg Massa gad fe tek de case an gi har de pillah) Suh she gi out to Elfreda:
"No, no, no me baby! Please crass me offa dat deh hog, yu hear? For since me neva marrid yet, me a tell yu de truth, me nuh really, really know how fe pick out a good hog fram a bad hog. An me nuh able tun up wid de wrang one an spile yu wedden!"
Elfreda mout shet pam. For him realise now, him mash him muma ten corn toe one time. Suh a she dis:
"Mama, de ooman seh a towzin dallah a poun fe de cake but me nuh seet yet. An me did a go tell yu seh me nuh rent de chair dem.
Elfreda mine shet har up same time: "Tap talk an look pon yu muma!" For there was Miss Vie, pon one piece a hollerin singing. An har neck back stiff like buckram: "Saviah! Sa-a-viah! Ear my umble criee! While on addas dow art callin, doooo nat paaas meee by!"
Well me dear mam, all now nubaddy nuh know if de cake did done pay fa, but Elfreda wedden kip. An true to form, Miss Vie was right. For mongst de heap a stranger weh neva get invite, but come for dem see heap a chair an table drop ova de yard an surmise seh dem muss get seat. Feva Grass an him wife neva do a ting more dan tun up wid dem six buff farehead pickney a de yard fe food. What a wutliss man! An de hatfullest ting, dem tun up wid two lilly plastic glass wrap up eena christmus paper claim seh a wedden present. Suh me dear mam, who know better do better. Nuh go a people sinting unless yu get invite. An if yu get invite, spen yu money an buy a decent present.
Tek care!