Angela Philipps, Contributor

You think it's straightforward for single parents on the dating scene? In some aspects it may be, but the negative attachment of 'baggage' can make things problematic some of the time. This term is not meant as any disrespect to the children. It's just a fact of life that some singletons do not wish to take on the responsibility of another person's kid and the package that comes with him or her.

I have to admit that I have never dated a man who had a son or a daughter. I must also confess that I purposefully avoid any situation of this nature. There are many friends of mine who have been out with a single mother or father, and in fact some of them are very happy and have got married. However, I do not think I could deal with an ex-wife, or girlfriend, and her offspring so well.

This sounds cold-hearted, doesn't it? I am sorry if that is how you perceive me but I guess I can see why you might think this way. I should love a man for who he is, and not be bothered by the history of his life. I've written something about not being concerned with a guy's skeletons, in a previous article, haven't I? However, it is quite a different thing to take on someone's past when it really is still in his present. It's a choice that I make because I understand what I am capable of. I meet someone, and via several conversations I find out what his status is - is he single, are there children involved, does he still have a raw heart from a failed relationship? Things like that. These are important aspects for me - period.

The question is, if I fell in love with a man and then found out there was an external family, what would I do? I'd probably be very hurt and angry that I'd been lied to, but I can't unequivocally say that I'd just walk out of there. I think it would depend on many things - how true my feelings were, whether I thought there was a good reason as to why he did not fess up sooner, and his eagerness to truly open up his life and share it with me. Of course, if I only used my head and not my heart, I'd be fleeing as far away as possible!

Similar stance

Not such a fair deal for the single parent who is once again looking for love now is it? If everyone thought the way I do, it would be very sad. Would it mean that a single dad would only end up with a single mum? Is that a less complicated situation? They'd both be coming with a similar stance, and they'd appreciate and understand one another. But what about their children? Would his get along with hers? Could this pose other problems if they did not? Bringing two families together to live in the same house could be a disaster.

I mentioned at the beginning of this text that there might be simplicity for a single parent on the dating scene. Perhaps in this status you would know exactly what you were looking for, and so cutting through all the 'rubbish' would be a breeze. However, once you got down to the nitty-gritty of things, isn't it realistic to assume that there might be difficult issues to handle?

I take my hat off to those of you who are not turned off by the progeny of their 'date'. But do make sure that you are able to deal with the duties that come with it. It would be heartbreaking for a lonely daddy or mummy, let alone the children, to come to depend on you emotionally, and then for you to decide it really isn't your cupof tea to be doing this.

Maybe it's not so easy for a single parent on the dating scene.

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com