Angela Philipps, Contributor

It's been a while since I wrote about a really personal story of mine, but I think this one may hit home with many of you. Now, I was recently accused of 'male-bashing' in an email received from a man (of course), and I think that I had better warn him that this article could be interpreted in a bad way as well.

It is aboutsomething I experienced within the last couple weeks, and seeing as how I date guys, unfortunately, it depicts one in a negative light. If you are male, there is no reason why you won't be able to relate to this tale if a lady has done the same to you.

I have been out with my fair share of men over the years, but none of the ones I was remotely serious about ever cheated on me. Or so I thought ... it turns out that an ex-boyfriend of mine was inspired, by a sequence of events, to call and inform me of his numerous infidelities while we were together!

First of all, this was a long time ago and my heart has been rid of him for years; and second, I have been in love several times since. However, nothing could prepare me for the utter blow and disbelief that I was with someone who was cheating on me intermittently throughout our lengthy relationship.

He started off by apologising for dragging me into his web of insecurities, and that the reason why he did it was because he always thought the world was against him. He admitted that all his accusations towards me while we were together were, in fact, because he had just been unfaithful himself.

A little insight

Let me give you a little insight about how bad things were. I gave up my friends and the activities I liked to do, and stayed home every night to try and prove that I was being true to him. I was desperately and deeply in love with this man. I would have done anything for him. To hear him say that all along he was sleeping with other women was simply shocking.

So what inspired Mr. Big (I'll make light of the situation and use the name which Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw calls one of the prominent men in her life) to relieve his conscience to me? Were his intentions honourable, or did he selfishly just want to rid himself of his guilt? Is there a time when the 'truth' should not be told as it might really be harmful to someone else and leave a scar on them forever? Isn't it unkind to open up an old wound and stuff maggots into it?

The repercussions

I can answer some of these questions for you. Mr. Big decided to bare his soul after going to a series of forums. He was inspired to face his fears, investigate his scruples and, I suppose, deal with and 'mend' his past, which included contacting me to tell me the sordid facts! He might not have thought about the repercussions of how I would feel, but that's exactly the point - Mr. Big was only thinking of himself. He needed to come clean for his own fulfilment, but he gave no consideration at all about how this would affect me.

Ladies and gentlemen: If you are ever in a situation similar to that of Mr. Big, then please stop for a minute (or 10) and deliberate whether your 'honesty' will actually be helpful to the other person. Or will it remain a terrible landmark in his or her life, like it is in mine?

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com