Monique Rainford

Your questions answered

The articles on the sex lives of women have generated a few interesting questions. I have answered two of them below. I would like to thank these two readers for having the courage to share their experience with others.

Dear Dr. Rainford,

I am having a serious problem. I have been married for two years now and my marriage is in trouble. In the earlier part of my marriage, everything was going great (sexually) until I got pregnant.

I do not find sex pleasurable any more. Please do not tell me to relax my mind because I've already tried that.

Whenever my husband touches me I get 'turned on' but the minute he tries to penetrate me, it's all over for the night. Sometimes I just play along to make things work out but I end up being hurt. Can having a baby change my urges for sex? Are there any tablets that can help me feel aroused again? What can I do? Please doctor, I need your advice urgently because tears are falling from my eyes as I speak.

Dear Reader,

I am sorry to hear about your distress. Based on your letter, I am unable to clearly identify the sexual disorder that you have. I suspect that you still have desire for sex based on your ability to be turned on by your husband's touch. However, it appears that you may have an arousal disorder as well as pain with intercourse or dyspareunia.

In answer to your questions, having a child has been known to affect a woman's desire for sex. This may be related to feeling very tired with your new responsibility as a mother. It may also be related to changes in your vagina that cause you to have pain with intercourse. This may have resulted from cuts or tears during childbirth. If you see a physician for a careful history and examination, your specific cause may be identified. Depending on the problem identified, sometimes certain tablets may be helpful but it is also possible that you may require counselling. I again emphasise that you seek medical attention from a physician who is qualified in this area to help to cure this problem.

Dear Dr. Rainford,

I have a big concern. You see, I have this very low sex drive; I could go without sex for weeks and don't miss a thing. The irony of the situation is, doc, I used to enjoy sex; as a matter of fact, I loved sex, I could not get enough.

I also notice that sex has become very painful and I tend to bleed most times after the act. I think in some instances this has caused me not to want to have sex. The last time I enjoyed sex was on Valentine's night and I bled a lot afterwards. My boyfriend and I are not together anymore, however, before I start a new relationship, I would really love to rectify this problem.

Dear Reader,

The sex drives of women can be affected by many different reasons. A very significant reason that you have mentioned is pain with intercourse (dyspareunia). When you have the expectation of pain or bleeding, this can diminish your desire for sex. It is very important that you be examined by a physician to determine the cause. In addition to checking for infections, the doctor will likely suggest that you do a Pap smear as abnormalities of the cervix (the neck of the womb) can cause bleeding after sex. If either of these problems is identified and treated, you may discover that your sex drive is intact.