Dear Counsellor:

I have been married six months now to a policeman. My problem is that I am very fearful. I did not realise how fearful I was until after I got married.

The problem is I have a constant fear that he may be killed in the line of duty. I guess the thought had come to me before but since we have been married, I am plagued bythis recurring thought.

If he stays out late, I almost become a nervous wreck, and when he comes home, I get very upset and we have a quarrel. This is seriously affecting our relationship and I do not know what to do.

- Janice

Dear Janice:

Do not allow this fear to dictate your life. From a physiological perspective, it could result in stomach ulcers, as you may not eat as you should. Your sleep patterns could also be affected and you could also have hypertension and headaches.

Socially, you could become anxious and irritable, with your fears taking on the form of anger, with this anger being projected onto your spouse and other persons who may cross your path. This could result in the death of your marriage, instead of the death of your spouse.

It could create a wedge in your relationship with his not answering the phone when you call, even if the matter is urgent and important.

What can you do? Begin to think and speak positive things. I am reminded of the Bible character Job who confessed that what he had feared had come upon him. (Job 3:25). This then forces us to adopt a positive outlook on life.

If you do not, then your fear could trap you in a vicious cycle which could cripple your ability to relate normally to life's challenges.

I would like you to challenge your 'what ifs' positively. List all the possible 'what ifs' and attach a positive response to each. In doing so, you are taking back control of your life. It seems almost paradoxical that in some way we do and do not control our destiny.

Also, ask your husband to try to call home if an emergency has arisen or if he will be working late.

Discuss your fears with him in an amicable way and ask him to tell you how he can help you to allay your fears.

Finally, pray about the matter. David said, "I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." (Psalm 34: 4).