Sexual addiction is linked to many problems experienced locally, says Audrey Haynes, best-selling author of the book It's A Different Movie and speaker at the recently-held Victoria Mutual Building Society seminar series on marriage and the family.

"A society that has an abundance of undisciplined sexual activity will be a society that has to grapple constantly with the woes of disappointed lovers, unfaithful husbands, unfaithful wives, incest, carnal abuse, rape, sexually-transmitted diseases, homosexuality, lesbianism, even bestiality," she stated.

Impressionable and defenceless children are those most affected by undisciplined sex, said Haynes. "Eventually, they may become perpetrators of crime and violence."

Breaking sexual addictions, the writer notes, begins with self-mastery which itself begins in the mind. "There must first be a mind dead set against undisciplined sex. When that is so, omnipotent God, the creator of sexual urge, acknowledges that mindset and comes to our aid. Our men and boys must begin to understand that they can master their sexual urge. A changed mindset will set the stage for disciplined sex."

According to the author, sexual boundaries also should be clearly highlighted.

"When we wish to curb undisciplined parking, for example, or establish disciplined parking, we designate boundaries. White lines and yellow lines are drawn or brightened as necessary. So in the case of disciplined sex, we must established boundaries. So let us begin to call sex what it is, namely, the marital act. In the eyes of the law, said the author, "If the sexual act is absent from a marriage, that marriage will be declared null and void. Sex is the marital act."

Yet another strategy for breaking sexual addictions is to put more emphasis on and indeed begin to praise chastity and virginity.

"A random sample could be taken at a number of schools and the ones with the most virgins could get an award for chastity (she laughs). I am hearing you saying, what about the boy? Well, we could use a lie detector, couldn't we?"

Preserving virginity

The author also stated her conviction that, as a society, Jamaicans should begin to discuss strategies to master the sexual drive and preserve virginity until marriage. "Parents, guardians, school principals, pastors, youth leaders, et al, should join their voices in a call to abstinence. They must 'fess up' to the fact that they perhaps may not have been disciplined and gently plead constantly and persistently with their peers and youngsters to abstain from sex outside of marriage."

Admitting that curbing undisciplined sex in the society is not an easy task, she added, "Like undisciplined parking, there are many obstacles to overcome, yet one has to admit that disciplined parking makes for order and beauty, and greater productivity. Those who parked outside the boundaries for their own convenience and know it, quite likely spend their time in the store, bank or wherever, wondering what if, what if, what if! They do not have the peace of mind that comes from knowing that one is parked within the boundary.

"A few individuals parking outside the boundary might not appear to throw the parking out of sync, but if they get away others will follow their example. And soon, disciplined parking will be overwhelmed by undisciplined parking, leading to disorder, chaos and eventually low productivity.

"Disciplined sex will be overwhelmed by undisciplined sex with all its abominable woes, even as is the case in Jamaica today. My message to Jamaica therefore is that we must not confuse sex smart with being sex-wise.

"We should not be sex-smart, use a condom every time, but we should be sex-wise. Let every man has his own wife, and every woman her own husband," the author said.

Source: Victoria Mutual Building Society Marriage and the Family series.