Practise good communication. It is important to speak at appropriate times about certain issues and in a quiet place.

Couples quarrel for various reasons and polls on marriage rate show that marital disagreements are a primary cause of stress.

Marriage is a difficult relationship to manage, notes St. Catherine-based counselling psychologist, Arlene Fay Baker, but adds that solutions to such challenges can lead to a deepening of their love.

"Researchers note that each of us has his own character, his personal taste, his moods and at times his bad moods and defects," the counsellor states, noting that such differences are the bases of the quarrels which couples will have.

The following tips should prove helpful for couples:

1. Think about what you want to say before you say it. This is important when you are emotionally upset. Try to disagree without bickering or rehashing past disputes. Avoid anger and screaming which may easily sabotage communication, leading to the other person focusing on your anger and not what you are saying.

2. Try to concentrate on the positive aspects of your partner and tell them your thoughts in a sincere and open way. Rather than thinking about what bothers you, why not concentrate on the things, which you admire? There is no doubt that you can think of a long list of positive qualities. Why not point them out to him or her?

3. Focus on the issue at hand. Look for the real causes of your difficulties. It could be money, sex, the children or work. It is important to identify the real problems and stay on the subject of discussion. Come to a compromise/agreement on how to solve the problem and decide on the most appropriate way in which to implement the situation.

4. It is not always necessary to resolve a quarrel, but it must come to an end. It is tempting for individuals to want to get in the last word, but this can be unproductive. Each person should get a chance to speak without interruption and should speak truthfully but objectively and lovingly.

5. Have a forgiving attitude. Remember no one is perfect - you are surely not and neither is your partner.

"Forgiveness must be unconditional," states Baker. "You may say this is difficult, but it is necessary to your marital happiness. The more sure we are of being completely right, the more questionable it is that we really are."

6. Cherish the romantic side of the relationship. Reflect on the times you had fun together, surely you can remember the courtship period, the creativity your partner displayed then and the excitement. How many love letters did you send each other? How many times in the day did you call? In order to avoid the relationship becoming sour, romance must become a part of the relationship encouragement and give little gifts of surprise.

7. Practise good communication. It is important to speak at appropriate times about certain issues and in a quiet place. You should try to listen. Keep in mind that the key to arguing successfully is not about being right or wrong. Focus on feeling good about the outcome. At times, we take ourselves too seriously.

"The important thing is to remember to show love, restore the family connection and do not let the disagreement destroy your relationship. It is quite possible to live happily together when everyone tries to correct his own defects and make an effort to overlook faults," Baker states.

Arlene Faye Baker is a St. Catherine-based counsellor. Email: fayebaker35@yahoo.com.