Dear Pastor,
I have a problem with my stepfather. From I was seven years of age until now he has not changed. He used to beat me with a stick while I was sleeping and sometimes I had to run to the neighbours for rescue.
When I was growing up he used to admire me, and he used to say, "See how me feed yu and yu bottom a get big and yu a show me bad face". Whenever he and my mother had a fuss, he always mentioned my name. I don't like him and he does not like me. He is always insulting my mother.
When I was 15 years old I fell in love with a guy. He got me pregnant and we were living together for four years, but we are not living together again. Sometimes my son goes and spends time with him, but he is living with another girl. They are not living lovingly. They are in war all the time.
From the time the girl went to live with him he stopped taking care of our son. I am mother and father to our son. I have to be sending him to school. I am working. I am very sad because I can't discuss my problem with people. I can't trust them.
I had sex with a guy and he told me that I have an infection. I went to the doctor and got treatment, but I am still having the problem. Please give me your advice.
C., St. Ann
Dear C.,
Your stepfather did not treat you well, and you will always remember that he was cruel to you. You have had problems. You got pregnant early. Perhaps your stepfather's behaviour drove you out of the house and caused you to become sexually involved with a man at a very early age.
I am sorry to hear that your child's father is not supporting him. That is a real shame. He should do his best to support his son. I am glad that the boy goes and spends time with him. Thank God that you are working and that you are able to support your son. As he grows up you are going to need more money to support him. In my opinion, if his father refuses to pull his weight, you should take him to court for maintenance.
Put your life in God's hand. Take your son to church. Follow your doctor's advice and pray that God will grant you peace of mind and happiness.
Pastor
I need to find my father and sister
Dear Pastor,
I am writing this letter hoping and praying that you will help me. I was born in Kingston at the Jubilee Hospital to a Jamaica Omnibus conductress.
I lived with my mother and grandparents until my mother left Jamaica to attend nursing school in the United States of America in 1969. I remained with my grandparents until 1972 I came to New York and began my schooling. I was nine years old at the time.
I visited Jamaica twice to see my grandmother and other relatives. When I became a teenager I began to ask about my father. I was told that his name is Harold Leslie and that he was living in Jamaica. I learned of his address and a sister by the name of Carol Leslie. I wrote to her and received a reply, but unfortunately, a very jealous girlfriend destroyed that letter and personal family photographs as well as my passport.
I was reading a Weekly Star when I came across your column, Tell Me Pastor, and your helping others and giving them advice, so now I have brought my own problem to you, hoping you can print my story so I could find my father and sister.
P.L., New York, U.S.A.
Dear P.L.,
I hope and pray that we will receive word about your father and sister. If we do, we will let you know. In the meantime, keep trusting the Lord. I hope you have settled down and the jealous girlfriend is out of your life.
Pastor
Boyfriend put me on six months probation
Dear Pastor,
I am 18-years-old and in love with a man 14 years my senior. We have been together for the past five years. The problem is that while we were together, I had an intimate relationship with another guy and I told my boyfriend about it. I had to choose between my present boyfriend and the other guy, so I choose my boyfriend.
He started to have a lot of girlfriends, and he speaks to them very intimately in my presence. I know he loves me and he says he wants things to work out between us, but he is having many more relationships and behaving as if he is still a boy. He told me I am the cause of his behaviour.
My boyfriend says he will forgive me if I show I am sorry and make it up to him in my behaviour. For example, he does not want me to be too friendly with males and he wants me to stop keeping the company I keep. He has put me on probation for half of the year, and if he can prove that I have changed and is seeing him alone, I will be his one and only again.
I don't have a problem with the rules he laid out, but there is this particular girl who is showing interest in him. I am afraid he is falling in love with her. Sometimes he calls her name when he is referring to me, and it hurts me badly. He also told me that she may be pregnant for him. I don't know what to do. I am confused. He is showing far too much interest in her. She visits him everyday and calls him more than five times daily. He wants me to show more interest in him. He says he wants to be able to know where I am and what I am doing every hour of the day. I am trying my best to please him, but I fell discouraged every time I think about him and her. She is seventeen years old, and she broke off her four year relationship for my boyfriend. I cry night and day. I can't sleep. I hardly eat.
I need your fatherly advice. Should I stay or should I go? Should I behave myself and see what six months probation may bring? Suppose it is too late and they fall in love with each other. I am scared. I don't want to lose the only man I have ever loved. His speech is genuinely encouraging about this situation, but his attitude is not. He wants me to stop by after school in the evenings. He says by the time I get there, she will be gone and if she is there when I arrive, she will leave. And at nights he visits her. Rarely he would stop by me.
She lives in my area and he lives not far from us. My boyfriend and I are very popular and everybody knows the situation. I feel very embarrassed. She makes him very happy. He says I have nothing to worry about because she is no threat to me. He told me that this young lady knows that he does not love her because he loves me.
M., St. Catherine
Dear M.,
You are 18 years old and the other girl is 17 years old. Both of you are fighting for this man, one may call a "big man". At the moment he is having sexual relationships with both of you. As I see it, none of you can claim him as your very own. You had a relationship wit another guy and this man is holding you over a barrel for what you did. He does not respect you and he is telling you whatever he feels like. You do not have anything over the other girl, and if the other girls is pregnant, she is likely to get more of his money.
This matter of putting you on probation is nonsense. Everybody knows he is taking you as a puppet. To me you are hanging on to a straw. He seems to be the type of person to always remind you of what you did. You shouldn't be fighting to keep him. Frankly, what you should be doing is to work hard to pass your examinations. The time you take to visit this man should be used to beat your books.
I know what I am saying to you may sound foolish, but believe me, you are going to look back when you get older and remember that I encouraged you to forget this man and concentrate on your lessons. Don't suffer anymore embarrassment. You will get another man when the time is right.
Pastor
