Dear Counsellor:

Six months ago, I ended a relationship in which the guy was cheating all the time and constantly lying about it. My friends would see him out with someone and he would always come up with some reason why it was not him. Or he would get angry, saying I should tell my friends to stop watching him.

Sometimes, he would claim that the person was a family member. After a while, I did not know what to believe because I cared for him so much. The relationship ended when I discovered that he had got a girl pregnant. I have since moved on to another relationship.

The problem is that I am finding it difficult to trust my new boyfriend, even though he says he is being faithful. I question him all the time in an effort to trip him up he says he loves me very much and would never cheat, I still remember the other relationship in which I had heard all of that.

What can I do to get over it and start trusting again because my present boyfriend is beginning to get annoyed with me.

- Maureen

Dear Maureen:

You are human and as humans, we feel pain whenever we're hurt. For some, the pain may last longer, depending on how often we have been hurt, who was responsible for the hurt and how long it lasted. When one has suffered infidelity, one's trust is shaken and, unfortunately, this lack of trust will be levelled at the other person who comes into one's life.

Each person is seen as being potentially unfaithful. Many victims of infidelity get stuck for years in the pit of evaluations and self-condemnation, indignation and anger. And this can result in a constant search for clues to validate one's fears.

Maureen, you have to let go of the past and move on. This sometimes is easier said than done. To get the process going, you will have to forgive your past boyfriend. I deliberately used the word 'past' for you to see him as such. You have been a victim, but please do not allow the relationship to continue making you a victim.

The first step is to forgive him. You may have to do this piecemeal, forgiving him one offence at a time. For the new relationship to be a success, please do not judge him based on the experiences of the past. Keep your eyes wide open, but do not go foraging for clues to determine if the person is cheating. Do not lose a potentially good relationship because of the pains of the past. Treat your boyfriend with the dignity he deserves.

Dear Counsellor:

I live alone and, whenever it comes around to Christmas, I get very lonely. As a matter of fact, Christmas is one of the loneliest times of the year for me. I am not very close to my family and, as such, I will cry. I am dreading the Christmas season. What should I do?

- Stacy

Dear Stacy:

Christmas can be a lonely time for some persons. This is due to the fact that Christmas is the time when persons spend their time with family. If you do not have a family to spend the time with, it can be quite lonely.

There are several things that you could do. If a friend invites you to spend the Christmas with his or her family, you could take up the offer. This would be better than spending the Christmas alone.

This time, it would help with any feeling of social loneliness that you may experience. There could be several reasons why there is a gap in the family relationship.

You could also use this as a time to reach out to your family. At Christmas, persons tend to be more forgiving.