Dear Counsellor:

My six-year-old son is passing stool in his underpants. I have tried to teach him personal hygiene but he doesn't seem to understand. How can you help him?

- Noelle

Dear Noelle:

Some children soil themselves and this causes a lot of problems. Your son may be having constipation with overflow. Children who are soiling need to be evaluated by a doctor to identify the cause of the problem.

Many children don't have a physical cause for the soiling. You will need to potty-train your son. Let him sit on the toilet seat in the morning and the evening after a meal. The doctor will give medication to soften the stool and make it easier for him to defecate.

low self-esteem

Children who pass stool in their clothes suffer low self-esteem and rejection by their peers. Their peers don't want to associate with children who have an odour.

Some children are very anxious when they have to go to the bathroom. Your son will benefit from counselling as he learns to cope with his problem. You may be frustrated and dejected but always remember that the problem can be treated. Reassure your son that the problem will soon go away.

Please see your doctor.

Marriage on the rocks

Dear Counsellor:

My wife and I are having conflicts and disputes. The marriage is being threatened by these issues. Please help.

- Mark

Dear Mark:

It is good that you have seen the need for early intervention to save your marriage. It is this kind of positive thinking that we need in marriage.

We don't know everything, so it is important to sit down and discuss the issues. It is good to see a therapist who can help you sort out the hot spots and celebrate the good spots.

Relationship needs commitment by both partners to tackle concerns about the marriage. As the marriage vows state, sometimes things will be good, other times things will be bad. Celebrate the good times and work on the bad times.

Forgiveness plays a big role in relationship. You need to ignore certain bad behaviours at times while praising good attitudes. Catch your partner doing something positive and acknowledge this. Be heavy with the praise.

We are all humans and we need to cherish each other and nurture each other. Kind words smooth over a conflict while grievous words stir up wrath. Anger management between both parties is important. So, too, is stress management.

Marriage is like a business: You need to plan and budget time, money and emotions. We can't wear our hearts on our sleeves and expose our weak areas.

We know that we all have faults and deficiencies. No two individuals are the same, so work with and work out the deficiencies. We need to make adjustments, to compromise and accept our spouses.

You want the best for your partner, so strive to get the best out of her. You both should not want to ridicule, belittle or disgrace each other. Use respect, consideration, compassion and tact to win a situation. If your partner feels you have her interests at heart, she will, generally, reciprocate with kind, loving behaviour.

Persistence, tolerance and perseverance are key issues that are needed. We need to make adjustments, be flexible and praise the positive. Rephrase the words before you speak. Use honey not vinegar. RULE: no violence.

Forgetfulness has its benefits as you will have to put away negative thinking and past grievances.

Forgive and move on with your life. Ask God to help you make the changes as necessary.

For advice on personal or family problems, call Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at 978-8602 or 791-1778 or email her at yvonniebd@hotmail.com.