POSITIVE Parenting

Five years ago, Horace* made a pact with the mother of his son. She would go to the United States, pursuing economic opportunity, while their son lived with him.

"She went away, she was corresponding with him, after a while the (time between) calls go from one month to two months to three months. A little before him reach 18, no calls," Horace says.

It has been months since he or his son Ronald* have heard from her and it seems her telephone has been disconnected.

While they have not discussed the silence from 'up north' at length, Horace knows that it is having an effect, as "sometimes I see him staring into space. I know he misses her. Even the other day I check him phone and he was trying to call her".

Fine beatings

Still, even before this extended silence, there were times when Ronald had to do the calling anyway. Horace confirms "deep down inside I know him worry. Is him mother and him was with her for a while, so deep down them will always be together". This is even though Ronald's mother gave him some fine beatings and Horace says "him worry about her as a mother and miss the mother figure, but apart from that him no really put certain trust in her".

The small family had lived together for the first six years of Ronald's life. Then the relationship went on the rocks and, when the couple separated, Ronald went to live with his mother.

Horace says living as a family unit was good, although initially it was very rough financially for the young couple (he was 23 and his partner 21 years old when Ronald was born). Now, with Ronald approaching tertiary education, Horace is seeing another financial crisis bearing down on him.

Unexpected

Father and son were used to living in the same space - albeit for shorter periods - before single fatherhood hit unexpectedly. Horace tells The Gleaner that Ronald had a room at the house so there wasn't much adjustment "since he came on weekends and holidays".

And although he is on the brink of adulthood, there is no tension between son and father "because him have certain respect", Horace says. "He is the kind of person who stays in, around the computer, read him book, don't really keep company. That's the good part."

Coming up to the teenage years, father and son would "play game, watch TV, go road. We continue to do that still. Since him get big, we do other things together". Football is still a large part of their bonding, as the son is a Manchester U fan while the father goes for the Gunners. So Saturday morning is joshing time, as English Premier League games are played.

Horace's family, friends and community members know he is a single father. And, with him turning up alone at Ronald's school after his mother left, eventually one teacher in particular took note. His art teacher said something. "She noticed is just me alone and she asked me and I explained," he says. "She was kinda surprised, because it's normally single mother. She liked it."

So do other people, as Horace says "people always talk about my son. They look up to me because whole heap a wutless father around. My father never do much for me, so me a do what my father never do, try do the best for him," Horace says firmly.

Off-limits

There is one area, though, that is off-limits for the two. "Me ask him 'bout girlfriend and them thing there and him laugh," Horace says. "I know him have girlfriend, because I see him with the picture. I know him won't tell me. Him more to tell him mother."

And now that Ronald is getting older, he is looking out for his father - literally, staying up when Horace is on the night shift at his workplace.

"Last week, I worked very late," Horace says. When Ronald did not see him coming home when it was getting close to 3 a.m., "him call me, ask me how me no come home yet".

"It feels good. Him care 'bout him father," Horace says.

"Is a father-brother-son relationship. Him know him place, but we kinda close."

*Names changed.