Dear Counsellor:

I am 35 years old and have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. I was surprised when I was given that diagnosis as I believed this was only for children. I am researching the topic, searching for answers.

- Tom

Dear Tom:

Attention deficit disorder (ADD) affects millions of men across the globe. The majority of these men are underdiagnosed and have secondary problems of underachievement, school failure or criminal behaviour. Many individuals have learned compensatory strategies and so become professionals like other people.

In the past, ADD was thought to affect only children who would grow it out in adolescence. Up to 70 per cent of children will continue through adolescence into adulthood with ADD. The men usually have symptoms of impulsivity, distractibility and inattention. Some have a bad temper and are not able to organise themselves and make decisions.

The diagnosis is missed in childhood but when these individuals come across information about ADD, they then start to diagnose themselves. Adults can be successfully treated with medication or alternative therapies. It is good to get as much information about this condition. It is important to provide information to family and colleagues about ADD. Individuals who are not treated are deprived of reaching their full potential.

ADD runs in families so you may see symptoms in your children or siblings, especially the males. You may get your children assessed for ADD and its co-morbidities. ADD coexists with several medical conditions (the co-morbidities).

Some people get depressed or have learning problems.

Intimacy problems

Dear Counsellor:

I have been married for 20 years and would like to increase the level of intimacy with my husband. What do you suggest?

- Ann

Dear Ann:

Marriage is a lifelong commitment to care for the well-being of your partner. Both parties need to know about their partners.

Tend to social graces and don't take each other for granted. Say please and thank you and give compliments to each other. This will enhance the relationship as each will feel appreciated and approved.

Tell your partner what it is that he does that you like. Be heavy with the praise and lean with criticism. If you have to criticise, use the moment as a sharing and teaching session. We all want to feel cared for and wanted.

Have regular meetings to discuss household activities and review the plans for the future. Have sessions when you share pleasant childhood memories. This will increase the bond between both of you.

Don't reserve touching for the bedroom only but practise hugging and kissing at other times. Use nice words of encouragement and affection. Make it a routine to kiss in the morning and in the evening. Discuss current affairs and play board games together. Get a sitter sometimes so you can leave the children and go out together.

It is the small deeds that add up and create a positive effect. Learn to be positive, even in adversities. Go to church together and pray together daily. Read the Scriptures and meditate together. Sharing life experiences is good as this will draw you closer together. Companionship is crucial as people need each other.

For advice on personal and family issues, email questions to Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.