D-Empress - Contributed

I had the pleasure of spending time in the company of a queen last week. Born into a royal household, Queen Kgoshigadi Mothapo, eloquently debunked a series of myths that are holding so many women in a noose grip.

Queen Kgoshigadi (pronounced hosi-hadi) carries a long list of titles, one of which includes membership of the House of Traditional Leaders. Apart from her royal upbringing, her advocacy in the House stamped firm authenticity on the voice of tradition that enthralled both the men and women around me.

We were gathered to discuss challenges and opportunities for women and the role we play in preserving and administering rites of passage in these modern times.

My interest piqued with our graceful queen's address as she unequivocally placed a double-edged sword in front of us and invited us to dance on its blade. We heard that yes, she is a queen, but technically, she was acting in that position until her son, the heir apparent, took over.

The room silently gasped in angst as our hopes for a fairytale story of an all-powerful queen began to disintegrate. Only momentarily, however, as in the same breath she explained that while there are no less than 50 reigning queens in South Africa at the moment, most, if not all carry the same acting title.

"We don't see it as oppression," she began, "culturally, we know of the important roles which women play. Traditionally, men can be replaced by women but a woman can never be replaced by a man!"

Equality

Hold that thought for a minute! Haven't we always heard that the quest for equality was to be equal to men? Queen Kgoshigadi held us tightly as we collectively held our breath waiting to hear what we've always known but never quite been able to affirm. She didn't disappoint.

We learnt how women claim their power in a society governed by culturally informed laws and practices. In such societies, women and men know their place. Both are equally affirmed but would never aspire to challenge each other in the so-called equality stakes.

So where does that leave the modern, cosmopolitan, empowered woman who is constantly navigating the moving target - the quest for equality? Maybe she started out on the wrong path and is now grappling because there could never be such a thing?

As I sit with my matriarchs, they reflect and say 30 years of women's liberation has not brought freedom. Equal pay and access to top-flight jobs are still some notches away for most. They emphatically state that as women stray further from their purpose on the mountain hike to equality with men, we should expect increasing rampant confusion laced with sheer exhaustion.

What are we waiting for? Our queen said it, there is hope! Pause for a minute and have the conversation. Let's take time to reframe and reclaim our space from a purpose-built focus where full appreciation, value and respect for women drive the discourse around gender equality.

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