Parents and guardians sometimes have problems with their teenagers as youths struggle to find self-identity while dealing with issues like peer pressure. In desperation to solve the problems, unkind things are often said and done that may affect the parent-child relationship or change it forever, so it is essential to find a balance when ironing out faults. For those who are having problems with their teens, here are some solutions from Dr Melrose Rattray, director of Help for Parents Jamaica and Help for Parents and Families in New York.

1. Always communicate.

2. Listen before quarrelling, criticising or giving advice.

3. Separate the deed from the doer. Tell the child that it's not him or her that you do not like, but the unwelcome actions or habits.

4. Let children take responsibility for their actions. You are prepa-ring them to leave; if they can't take responsibility early, it could create serious problems later on.

5. Allow them to experience the consequences of their decisions.

6. Focus on possibilities and solutions.

7. Approve improvement with applause and positive phrases such as 'Way to go!' or 'Good job!'

8. Make the best of teachable moments. Every situation where the child has done something wrong is a teachable moment.

9. Discipline should be age appropriate.

10. Avoid nagging: talk less, act more.

11. No name-calling.

12. Spend quality time with your children, show intimacy and let them know that you care. We often think that because they are almost fully grown, they don't want to be showered with love, but they need it.

kimesha.walters@gleanerjm.com