Dear Counsellor:

My 14-year-old son is giving me a lot of trouble. He wants to go to visit friends and loiter on the roadway. I am afraid that he will fall into the wrong crowd and start using substances. He tells lies and is stealing my money.

- Katherine

Dear Katherine:

It is correct to worry about the activities of your son. Many boys who behave like this sometimes become juvenile delinquents and end up on a collision course with the police. Take your son to counselling to identify the problems he is facing.

Many teenagers are behaving like your son and the juvenile correctional facilities are filled to capacity. He needs to realise that his behaviour will get him into trouble. Many adolescents are demotivated, unfocused and doing poorly in school? Where are his uncles? Where is his father? Boys need male role models and need to have male caregivers to discipline them.

Teenagers often feel that they are adults and should be allowed to do as they choose. They are not able to see the dangers ahead and so become rebellious when strict controls are placed on them.

What are his grades like? What subjects does he like in school? Have you spoken to his class teacher to hear what is happening at school? If he causes problems at home, he probably does the same at school. He may be depressed or at risk of using substances. Teenagers follow their peers, so he may be influenced to start smoking or drinking alcohol. He may have an anger problem and be in need of socialisation skills.

Delinquent behaviours are common among teenagers. They practise all types of antisocial behaviours as well as illegal activities. Many times, the teenager will listen to an adult with whom he has a pleasant relationship or to a complete stranger. He needs to learn to set goals and plan his activities.

You must realise that adolescents need peer relationships and entertainment. What you can do is to invite his friends to your house and get to know them. You will be able to supervise them at your home and pass on your values and goals. Parents need to get to know the friends and peers of their children. When you know the friends of your children, you will feel more comfortable about what they are doing.

Bed-wetting blues

Dear Counsellor:

My daughter still wets her bed at nights and is very unhappy about this. Her father had this problem when he was a child.

- Maria

Dear Maria:

Bed-wetting is a common condition among children. One type of this condition tends to run in families, meaning that it is genetic. Your daughter is unhappy about her problem because she is embarrassed.

There are various strategies that can be used to help with the condition. There should be no drinking of liquids after 7 o'clock in the evenings so that the bladder doesn't get full. She should pass urine before going to bed. Let her drink as much fluid in the day as possible. Wake her up in the nights and let her pass urine.

There is medication that can be used to treat bed-wetting. As the children grow older, the frequency of bed-wetting reduces and finally disappears.

Email questions about personal or family problems to Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at yvonniebd@hotmail.com; or call 978-8602 or 791-1778.